Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition
by ForeverTheTorturedRebel
Summary: A parody between Total Drama and the All That segment, "Know Your Stars". Watch me torture and tease all 37 contestants all to no end and to your enjoyment! BONUS CHAPTERS INCLUDED! Anne Maria is up next again!
1. Chapter 1: Courtney

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Nuff said. Let's get to it.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Courtney  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer said as Courtney was sitting in a seat all by herself. Her mind was wandering all around the studio wondering who that voice was.

"Who in the heck was that?" Courtney shouted. "Duncan, that better not even be you! Because if it is, I will slaughter you!"

"Duncan's not here... it's just me..." The Know Your Stars announcer spoke once again in creepy fashion as Courtney felt a little frustrated.

"You better not be some sort of pedophile or something!" Courtney exclaimed as her teeth was gritting with anger. "I shouldn't even be here anyway! I should be out there destroying Heather for stealing away my Alejandro!"

"Well... she's not." The announcer smirked as he went about through his introductions. "Courtney... she was born a man!"

"I was not born a man! I was born 100% woman here!" the CIT shot back aggressively as she crossed her arms.

"That's not what this birth certificate says. It says here that you were born a man..." The announcer teased once again as he showed Courtney her birth certificate. It seemed the space that contained what gender Courtney was happened to be an 'M' pasted over the 'F'.

"Oh, come on! This is false!" Courtney exclaimed once again as she showed the birth certificate with a finger pointing to the gender category. "Look at this, you just pasted an M over the F with Wite-Out!"

"No, I didn't." the announcer said.

"Yes, you did!" Courtney exclaimed angrily.

"Well, that's your opinion. Courtney... is a whiny little bitch." The announcer teased once again. Courtney was gonna lose her cool for sure.

"I AM NOT A WHINY LITTLE BITCH!" Courtney yelled and whined right at the announcer's face.

"Well, well, well... you do certainly act like one." The announcer replied in a sarcastic tone.

"I'm telling you, I'm not!" Courtney exclaimed once again, "You're making me act like one when in reality, I'm not! I'm really sweet on the outside!"

"Really, then you might wanna hear this..." The announcer replied as Courtney soon cut him off.

"Forget it, there's nothing you have to say to me. All this crap I know is false!" Courtney spoke out, defending herself as usual.

"Well, too bad. Courtney... She screams at little babies!"**  
**

"Okay, I just had about enough of you! You know what? You're nothing but a heartless piece of scum that nobody even loves, even if you we're around them! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT TRASH!" Courtney screamed at the announcer with such hatred in her voice, "YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY BEFORE I USE YOUR VOCAL CORDS AS SUSHI?"

"Yeah..." the announcer said with an evil smirk, "Look down."

As Courtney looked down, all she heard was a crying baby right near her feet.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The baby cried loudly as Courtney felt a little irritated by the sight.

"Did you do this while I wasn't looking?" Courtney shouted in a threatening tone right to the announcer.

"Don't ask me, ask the mother..." The announcer spoke in such interesting fashion as Courtney turned right to the baby's mother. She looked very middle-aged, black and very enraged.

"You screamin' at my baby?" the ghetto mom said right to her.

"What in the hell are you-" Courtney responded back, but she was cut off once again by the baby's momma once again.

"I said, are you screamin' at my baby?" the baby's momma said once again as Courtney was still trying to explain herself once again.

"No! What kind of crap is he telling-" Courtney was cut off again.

This time, the baby's momma smacked the CIT silly right in the face. Courtney even spun around like a tornado just for good measure and went right down to the floor.

"If you go screamin' at my baby again, I come back and slap you so silly, you wish you be wearin' an ass fo' a hat!" The baby's momma told off an unconscious Courtney and soon took the baby with her.

"I... never screamed at her... ma'am..." Courtney spoke as she slowly narrowed her head right up before taking a defeated state of unconsciousness again. "OOOOF!"

"And now you know Courtney, the whiny little bitchy man who got slapped by it's baby's momma! That's right! That's how we roll up in the hood!" The announcer teased Courtney once again with her body still laid right on her back.

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**There goes the neighborhood indeed... Next up will be Duncan's turn right after you read and review! Woo woo woo, you know it!**


	2. Chapter 2: Duncan

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Nuff said. Let's get to it.  
**

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**Chapter 2: Duncan**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer spoke in such an echoed voice as a green-haired mohawked delienquent soon took the hot seat.

"Get on with it, moron... I haven't got all day. This seat makes my ass itch..." Duncan complained as the Know Your Stars announcer went on with such ignorance.

"Duncan... he's a little lad who loves berries and cream!" the announcer exclaimed.

"Huh, why do I even care?" Duncan scoffed as he was kept minding his own business. "I don't even like berries and cream for that matter! I like fire, I like chicks, I like hot rods, fries, and punk rock! But berries and cream? Forget about it..."

"Well, maybe you might not want to forget this..." the announcer said as everything went a couple of seconds ago.

And then, out of nowhere, a geyser full of strawberries and cream comes shooting out, blasting Duncan right in the face! It was like a frickin' sidecar going 400 miles per hour to be exact!

"Pffft! Pffft! What the hell, man? Why did you blast me with that white crap?" Duncan shouted as he spat out the whipped cream, but there was something wrong about the cream. "And this doesn't taste like whipped cream! What is it?"

"That's whipped kaopectate!" The announcer exclaimed proudly.

"Pffffft!" Duncan spat out again and shot an angry glare at him. "Dude, you're one sick buttbrain, man..."

"Duncan... He loves disco!" The announcer exclaimed again.

"I hate disco! Disco frickin' sucks! I told you, I like punk rock!" Duncan shot back angrily.

"Well, that's not what this picture says!" The announcer replied as he seemed to hold up a picture of something.

When Duncan looked at it, it seemed to be a picture of him wearing a white leisure suit and throwing his finger right in the air with his feet under the dance floor. Duncan felt a little upset, and it made him feel a whole lot angry.

"What? Now that's uncalled for, man!" Duncan exclaimed right at the announcer, "I know you had this frickin' photoshopped!"

"No I didn't!" the announcer lied.

"Yes, you did! You took my face and pasted it on John Travolta!" Duncan complained aggressively. "I'm on the frickin' poster for Saturday Night Fever, for geez sake!"

"Uh..." the announcer spoke in a puzzled way, and then lied again. "No, I didn't!"

"I'm gonna thrash you so bad, you liar..." Duncan angrily muttered.

"Duncan... He's the new spokesman for Viagra!"

"I am not! Look, I don't know what kind of crack you're taking, but that is false! And so will you if you plan to make these lies about me! Believe me... whatever I have to say to you, I mean it personally, pal..." Duncan threatened the announcer as he cracked his knuckles.

"C'Mon... why do wanna do that? Your huge weiner's gonna be in the way." The announcer teased at him once more as Duncan threw a chair at him aggressively. The announcer's tone soon turned to scared. "Um... let's not get a little too psyched out again. I'm afraid that huge woodpecker you're packing is gonna poke me..."

"Oh, really? Well, then..." Duncan shouted and screamed, "I'LL SHOW YOU WOODPECKER!"

"Now you know... Duncan..." The announcer spoke scared as Duncan grabbed him by the throat and started throwing punches at him. "Please don't hurt me! I'm weak as a stick! OOOOOF! My spleen! Good lord, help me! AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Don't grab that! That's where I need to pee!"

With all of Duncan's strength, he spins the Know Your Stars announcer by the johnson and sends him flying straight to the camera, therefore knocking his face right into the lens on impact and breaking the static feed.

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**Ohhh, man... Duncan must have thrashed the announcer more during the break... That I like!**

**Up next will the red pig-tailed cutie known as Zoey! Read and review until then! WINNING!**


	3. Chapter 3: Zoey

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

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**Chapter 3: Zoey  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer once again echoed as a certain in such an echoed voice as a certain reh-haired pigtailed cutie with a flower attaching to the side of her head took her seat.

"Well... this is interesting..." Zoey muttered to herself as the announcer went on with his introduction.

"Zoey... she's the mascot of Wendy's!" the announcer teased.

"Uh... no? Look, just because you think I look like the mascot of Wendy's, that doesn't mean I am one! That is plain false!" Zoey exclaimed madly.

"Yeah, I would like a Baconator with fries and a large root beer." The announcer spoke with such fake sarcasm. "Will you give me one?"

"I can give you a foot to the throat if that's what you're asking!" Zoey exclaimingly shot back with force.

"Never mind then." The announcer said in hesistance. "Zoey... her nickname is The Human Twizzler Hair!"

"My hair is not made of Twizzlers, you moron!" Zoey exclaimed once again. "And I do have a nickname! And it's surely not the Human Twizzler Hair!"

"Oh, really?" the announcer spoke just like he was being bored out of his mind. "What's your nickname, then?"

"It's Zo! Honestly!" Zoey exclaimed with force.

"Borrrrrrrrrr-ing..." The K.Y.S. announcer said faking tiredness.

"It is not boring, okay? My mom calls me Zo! Even my beloved Mike calls me Zo too! Tell him about it, I dare you to!" Zoey angrily pointed right at the announcer just like the Grim Reaper pointing at someone's soul he wanted to take.

"Sure..." The announcer rolled his eyes annoyingly. "Zoey... Can I borrow $100?"

"What?" Zoey looked shocked to say the least, "No, you can't borrow $100 dollars! What in the heck do you think my body comes from? Frickin' cash? My body is solid and it's the only thing that Mike likes! It's sexy and you know it!"

"Well, I'm certain you pay by the hour..." The announcer smirked evilly.

"Are you calling me a whore?" Zoey spoke in a angrily and threatening tone, "Because I don't sell my body for cash! Or am I made of cash for that matter! What would you say if I were to rip your arm off and a bunch of benjamins fall off from that? Huh, what would you do now?"

"I say..." The announcer replied as he was about to give an answer, but instead, "Now you know, 'The Human Twizzler Hair Whore of Wendy's', Zoey!"

"Hey, you can't close the segment like that on me!" Zoey exclaimed as she threatened the announcer once again. The camera was soon backing far away from Zoey, where she is yelling madly. "You get back here, ya moron! I promise to the guy above me that I will reign hell on your parade! I know damn well where you live and what you do! I promise you, I will grab your face and burn it right to death! That way there can be a new kind of Baconator... made by your face! What do you think about that? HELLO!"

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**I hope Zoey hunts him down for all I care. He's gonna deserve it again one way or the other!**

**Up next will be the MPD master himself, Mike! Until then, read and review!**


	4. Chapter 4: Mike

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

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**Chapter 4: Mike**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a normal teen with a Multiple Personality Disorder had now taken the hot seat.

"Uh, hello... who's there? You're not a creepy stalker, are you?" Mike said as he was shivering a little.

"Mike... He has diarrhea!"

"What? I do not have diarrhea!" Mike exclaimed madly, "I was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder! You know, my brain forces me to take different personas of different people like Vito, Chester, Svetlana, and Manitoba Smith? Remember?"

The announcer then yawned, "Doesn't ring a bell..."

"It's real, I'm telling you!" Mike exclaimed in mercy as the announcer continued to went on.

"Yeah, right..." the announcer spoke out of boredom. "Mike, or should I say Vito... is a member of the GLAAD organization!"

Hearing this, Mike immediately turned into the Jersey-like heartthrob, Vito.

"Yo, what are you talking about? I ain't no member of Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation!" Vito complained, "I'm straight as a fine-looking woman like Anne Maria! Even the abs and my guns you see here are straight!"

"Oh, really? Than what's this picture I see here?" The announcer replied as he held up a picture for the world to see.

It actually showed a picture of Vito flexing near a proud gay couple who are giving the peace sign. By the background of the picture, it happened to take place at some sort of midnight rave. Vito seems to be wearing a white shirt that said 'Support GLAAD.'

"What?" Vito spoke in shock, "Now that's false, man! You did that in photoshop! Yes, I like going to raves and such, but there's no frickin' way that I ain't gay! I'm straight as it is! Take it or leave it!"

"Mmm-Hmm. Chester... He can't see me!" the announcer said as he pulled off his best John Cena impersonation right on Vito.

But with this statement, Vito is now suddenly turned into Chester, another one of Mike's personalities.

"What? What did you say? I can't hear you! You might wanna speak up, you blasted crab!" Chester spoke in a frustrating manner.

"I said, you can't see me!" The announcer spoke back to him once again, but only a little louder.

"I know that, you encrusted flank, I just can't hear what you're saying. Speak up to the mic so I can hear!" Chester shouted

"I SAID, YOU CAN'T SEE ME!" the announcer screamed loudly on the mic as Chester still couldn't hear what he was saying and such.

"WHAT?" Chester shot back.

"Never mind...!" The announcer groaned in anger. "Manitoba Smith... he was in Crocodile Dundee!"

The transformation began once again. This time, Chester was transformed into Australia's handsome hunter and one of Mike's personalities, Manitoba Smith.**  
**

"Oy, mate, I ain't no Crocodile Dundee!" Manitoba explained, "That was played by my fellow mate, Paul Hogan! He is a hero of Australian culture, next to Men At Work and vegemite!"

"Are yoooooou suuuuuure?" the announcer teased him once again as Manitoba raised a suspicious eyebrow.

"Where are you getting at all of a sudden?" Manitoba spoke consciously.

"Nothing, just making sure! Mike... she calls Zoey, 'The Human Twizzler Hair'!" The announcer exclaimed once again.

This time, Manitoba Smith had now been turned back into Mike.

"What? I never called her that!" Mike explained in shock again. "If I recalled, you made Zoey lose her mind! That's not cool in my opinion, man!"

"So what if I did? It's not my problem that she looked like the mascot for Wendy's!" The K.Y.S. announcer replied with an evil smirk as something inside Mike snapped like crazily.

"HOW DARE YOU, YOU BASTARD!" Mike shouted angrily as he started to throw around things included the camera and perhaps the chair that he was sitting on. "NO ONE CALLS MY GIRL A MASCOT! TIME FOR YOU TO FEEL MY PAIN, PAL!"

With this, Mike got a baseball bat and just approached the Know Your Stars announcer with anger and hatred in his blackened eyes. The announcer then started to feel that uncomfortable spot of weakness again.

"Oh, no... um, now you know Mike! OH, FOR THE LOVE OF HELL, NOOOOOO!" the K.Y.S. announcer screamed as Mike grabbed him by the collar again and just threw him throughout the studio. "YAAAAAAAAHHHHHTZEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Mike then approached the announcer once again with his teeth gritting like a pissed-off pitbull seeking for blood.

"OHHHHH, COME OOOOOOON! HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH? COME ON! I ALREADY GOT MY PACKAGE THROWN MY DUNCAN? WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT BY ME?" The announcer kept on screaming as Mike spreaded its legs and raised his baseball bat high which was aiming at the K.Y.S. announcer's crotch. "No... no, NOOOOOOOOOO!"

With a swing and an ascend by Mike's baseball bat, the announcer felt the pain go right inside his balls and screamed like a crying baby and a high-pitched banshee combined!

"Waaaaaa- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The announcer screamed for pained mercy as the segment came to a cringing end for now.

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**Damn, the announcer's balls are gonna bleed like hell for days. Go Mike for standing up for his girl!**

**Up next will be Owen in the hot seat! Read and review until then! Woo woo woo, you know it!**

**P.S.: Sorry I couldn't do Mike's other personality Svetlana! All apologies!  
**


	5. Chapter 5: Owen

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

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**Chapter 5: Owen  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer spoke out once again in echoed form as a certain fatboy with a Maple Leaf emblazoned on his shirt took the hot seat this time.

"Oh, man! I'm so excited to be here! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Owen shouted gladly with his arms raised in victory, not knowing that the Know Your Stars was gonna attack him verbally.

"Owen... He weighs 90 pounds!"

"Um... I'm very certain that I weigh 296." Owen corrected him nicely as he grabbed the fat from his stomach, "You see here, this fat I got here doesn't look like 90 pounds. You see, if I was 90 pounds, I would be skinny. So I'm bigger than a truck. No skinny bones to be seen here. Just so you know."

"No, I don't know, and basically, I don't care." The announcer shot back at him.

"What are you talking about?" Owen spoke suspiciously raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing you need to know about. Owen... He killed a black man once."

"What? That's insane!" Owen reacted madly, "I never killed a black man in my entire life! I killed a bear once with my grandpa!"

"Really? Well then, what's this police description about?" The announcer replied as he held up some kind of police description. It had Owen's name pasted over some kind of criminal's name and the rest of it reads 'Third degree murder'. Owen didn't wanna believe that was true.

"That's false! Just ask everyone who knew me! Ask my family, my friends, and even the police for that matter! Ask them! They'll prove it's false!" Owen cried out intentionally, "Besides, I'm not even racist for that matter!"

"Uh-Huh..." the announcer said with a very bored tone.

"I'm telling you! All of these things are lies! I am not a racist!" Owen cried out once again, but angrily.

"Owen... His favorite drink is a Broccoli Martini!"

"EW!" Owen cringed disgustingly, but continued to shoot right at the announcer with rage, "I hate broccoli! It tastes like green mossy crap that I wouldn't even eat! Okay, I like fried chicken, I like hamburgers, I like tacos, and anything covered in gravy! But I will never like broccoli in my life! Who in the crap are you, some kind of racist pedophile-loving harlot?"

The announcer then continued to ignore him, not even caring a soul about Owen.

"Now you know Owen, the-" was all the announcer would say before he smelt something so foul. "What in the hell is that?"

"Oh, that was me... I had deviled egg casserole with cabbage!" Owen replied proudly, "I used it just in case you attacked me like that."

The foul smell soon got into the announcer's nose.

"Ohhhh... Ohhhhh... OHHHHHHH, GOD!" The announcer screamed out in panic because of the smell, "IT SMELLS LIKE A DEAD SKUNK WITH FOOT ODOR! OH GOD, TAKE ME NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Yeah, how does it feel?" Owen smirked out of revenge. "Not so smart now, huh?"

"MY EYES ARE ON FIRE! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The announcer screamed as the smell burned his eyes well done.

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**Oh, so that what Owen was using that smell for? Makes sense.  
**

**Up next will be Noah on the hot seat! Until then, read and review! BAZINGA!  
**


	6. Chapter 6: Noah

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

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**Chapter 6: Noah  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed out once more as a know-it-all with a big brain, a big mind, and a big head took a seat.

"Ohhh, great... I gotta deal with this buttnugget..." Noah muttered lowly at him.

"Noah... His first word as a baby was appletard."

"Look... I'm very certain that my first word was 'mommy', meaning in baby term 'mama'." Noah corrected him in an understandable reason. "Besides, I never even heard the word of 'appletard' in my life..."

"What have you got against the apples?" The announcer teased him a little.

"Look, as fun as your little insults never learn to please me, that never happened, okay? I have never called anyone appletard, or was it my first word! I love apples as much as the next guy! Mostly for pie with Cool Whip with a dash of cinnamon on top. Besides, you're just calling a fruit retarded, not me!" Noah exclaimingly explained.

"Fine, whatever you say, appletard. Noah... In his dreams, he kills oranges in his sleep!"

"I never killed oranges in my sleep, okay?" Noah explained calmly again, "I dream about science and girls, even if I don't have time for them, okay? Just askin'. Besides, if I want a girl, I want it to be someone who can match my brainpower at the least. But I still don't time for them! And I like oranges, especially orange juice! A man like me needs his vitamin C or else I go crazy like a squirrel on bath acids."

"I don't believe you, orangekiller..."

"It's the damn truth! Honestly!" Noah exclaimed forcefully.

"Noah... Look up."

"What?" Noah said cluelessly as he was looking right up the ceiling. It looked like something was falling down on the brainiac hard.

It just happened to be a row of apples falling down from the ceiling as Noah got blasted right on top of his head. A whole pile of apples had now covered the know-it-all in an uncomfortable dog-pile.

A few minutes later, Noah finally got up from the pile of apples that was burying him.

"What the hell, man? Did you just dump apples on me?" Noah threatened him consciously.

"Come on! It's funny!" The announcer exclaimed happily from Noah's insult to injury.

"Yeah? Well, how would you feel if I dumped apples on you, Johnny Applecrap?" Noah shot right at him viciously, only to make the announcer not respond to his horrendous, yet hilarious action, "Hello? Are you even there!"

"Now you know... Fruithater Noah!" the announcer exclaimed.

"What? You don't know me!" Noah shot back once again.

"Yeah I do..." The announcer snickered as the camera moved very far away from Noah.

"Hey, hey! You come back here! I'm not finished here!" Noah exclaimed angrily as he kept on talking, "I'm not a fruithater, okay! I like all types of fruits! And my first word wasn't appletard! I'm telling you, an apple is not mentally challenged, you dumb gonch! Hello? Can you even hear what I'm frickin' saying to you? HELLO?"

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**Yep, looks like Noah had the worst of it with those apples. Ouch... So wrong and yet so funny!  
**

**Next up will be one of my favorites, Anne Maria! Read and review everyone! WINNING!  
**


	7. Chapter 7: Anne Maria

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

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**Chapter 7: Anne Maria  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed once again as a certain Jersey babe with such a big pretty pouffe and ravishing purple eye shadow took her seat.

"Can we move this up fast? My nails are gonna be scraped to the bone if I don't polish them nicely." Anne Maria spoke right to the announcer as she was busy filing her nails.

"Anne Maria... Her favorite color is racist white!"

"Uh... I'm pretty sure that's not my favorite color. My favorite color is violet! Don't ya see? It's violet! Just like my eyeshadow and not to mention I use it for glitter as well! Take that to the ballpark, baby!" she exclaimed right at him with force.

"Anne Maria... Her big breasts are used as floatation devices!" The announcer teased.

"Excuse me? You don't go talkin' about my breasts! They are perfectly firm, built, and I am proud of my babies!" Anne Maria proudly exclaimed, "That don't give ya the right to trash on them. It's a turn on for guido's everywhere!"

"You better hope those babies of yours don't have a cord attached to them. But if you can pull it, that delicious chest of yours can save your life!" The announcer exclaimed with an evil perverted smirk.

"Oh, really? Because I can use that very same cord to wrap your frikkin' neck!" The Jersey girl threatened him deathly. "How would you like that? Hello?"

"Anne Maria... I got a faucet leak in my house."

"Well, how sad for you..." Anne Maria spoke in plain irritance.

"Seriously, I got a leaky faucet. You think you can use your fine luscious breasts to fix it?" The announcer smirked with his eyebrows raised over and over again. "I would so love it if you do..."

"No, but I love it if I 'fixed' you instead! If I find you, I'll fix you just like the dog you are! Where in the hell are ya anyway?" Anne Maria spoke in a threatened tone once again, "Believe ya me, ya won't like me when I'm running for you like a frikkin' Mack Truck!

"Now you know... Anne Maria!"

"What? You don't know me!" Anne Maria exclaimed purposely.

"Yes I do..." The announcer muttered as his voice and the camera shifted away from the now pissed off Jersey girl.

"This ain't over, announcer man!" she exclaimed for the last time angrily, "There's no proof that my favorite color is racist white! Not even a single color of white is on me! And I'm proud of my breasts as well! It's too bad you won't get to touch them, or play with them, or make dillhole motorboat sounds with them! They're for Vito! And there's no way in hell I would wanna fix that damn faucet of yours with my breasts! I'm proud of them, I keep telling ya! Hello? This isn't ova, I swear!"

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**Am I suddenly the only person who thinks that Anne Maria got very desirable breasts in the Total Drama series? I hope I got others who agree.**

**Next up will be one of my favorites, Lightning! Read and review until then! SHA-LIGHTNING!**


	8. Chapter 8: Lightning

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

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**Chapter 8: Lightning  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer spoke out in echoed form again as a hyped-up athletic overachiever with the number '1' emblazoning on his shirt took the hot seat this time.

"Whoo-hoo! About time Lightning got the spotlight this time! Bring it on from sha-anywhere!" Lightning exclaimed as he was feeling pumped up, but he was soon gonna get pumped out.

"Lightning... His catchphrase is 'I Like Boxers!'"

"No no no, you got it all wrong! Lightning's catchphrase is: SHA-LIGHTNING! I always say it all the time, man! Besides, Lightning don't like boxers! Lightning likes briefs better! That's because briefs can turn a girl on, because they don't know what Lightning's got hidden under there!" Lightning corrected the announcer with ease.

"You mean like 'Little Lightning'?" The announcer smirked.

"What? How did ya know about Little Lightning? You're not some kind of gay stalker are ya?" Lightning replied gasping unnervously.

"Nope. Just checking. Lightning... He loves to watch 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!'"

"Ah, come on! Lightning hates ponies!" Lightning complained crazily, "Lightning don't want nothing to do with those ponytailed losers! Lightning likes babes, Lightning likes action movies, but Lightning will never like ponies, no matter how you try to admit it!"

"Come on... give the show a chance. Fluttershy really likes you..." The announcer teased him directly.

"Lightning don't even know who 'Fluttershy' is, either! The only name I ever heard of Fluttershy was that girl scout selling dope cookies! Yet Lightning don't want that either! Gimme a break, man!" The athletic overachiever complained angrily.

"Lightning... He picks the scabs out of people!"

"What? Lightning never did that! That is gross and sha-disgusting, man!", he declared in disgust, "What are ya, some kind of sick dope-peddler? What do you do, make this stuff up as you go? Besides, Lightning's clean as a sha-whistle!"

"Well, it has to be true. You might be infected if you pick at someone's scabs like that..." The announcer flared with a devious smirk.

"How about if I infect your face with Lightning's fist, instead? There is no way Lightning ever picked a sha-scab in his life!" Lightning threatened him aggressively as The Know Your Stars announcer had an escape clause on his mind.

"Now you know Lightning! Remember, 'He Likes Boxers!'" The announcer smirked as he muttered away.

"What? You don't know Sha-Lightning himself! Only Lightning knows Lightning himself!" Lightning exclaimed as the camera backed away from him, "Besides, boxers sha-suck! And so are ponies! Lightning can't understand what a 'Pinkie Pie' is either, but at least Lightning knows it's some kind of messed-up pastry! And I never picked scabs! You would from Lightning's point of view, you mouth-breather! Hello? Ya there? Lightning's not done with you! Lightning will get you back for this, I swear! SHA-LIGHTNING!"

* * *

Hmmmm, dope cookies huh? Some kind of new tasty drug...

Up next will be surfer extraordinaire Bridgette! Read and review until then! SHA-LIGHTNING!


	9. Chapter 9: Bridgette

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Bridgette**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer spoke once again through echo as a pretty blonde surfer girl with a surfboard in her hand sat right in the hot seat.

"Wow... that was weird..." Bridgette replied in a weirded out way, "But I'm confident about this, so do me your best."

"Bridgette... She was born in Venezuela!"

"Um... I pretty sure I wasn't born in Venezuela..." Bridgette spoke raising an eyebrow, "I was actually born in Vancouver, British Columbia. Check my birth description, it's positive."

"Doesn't ring a bell..." The announcer replied as he was holding Bridgette's birth description. All of it she said was true, but he decided just to lie right to her face, "It says here you were born in Rio De Janiero, Venezuela!"

"I wasn't born in Venezuela!" Bridgette complained angrily, "And besides, Rio De Janeiro is isn't even in that country! Rio is in Brazil! Get your facts and your face together! Come on!"

"No, I don't think I will. Bridgette... She makes out to her surfboard!"

"What? That's insane!" Bridgette reacted in an unjust fashion, "The only thing I love to make out to is my trusting boyfriend Geoff, which on the other hand, is twice the nice, sweet person you'll ever be! You're just a dumb crack-addicted wuss!"

"You looooove your surfboooooard... you looooove your surfboooooard..." The announcer spoke in a sing-songy way.

"I admit that I do love my surfboard, but it's not what you think! I ride with this thing all my life and for once, it never left my side! Just because you say accuse me that I make out with my surfboard, you're plain wrong!" Bridgette exclaimed, trying to explain him marchly.

"Yeah, right. Bridgette... She works at Hooters!"

"What?" Bridgette exclaimed in shock, "I sooooo do not work at Hooters! Look, just because I have a bodacious body, that doesn't mean that I should exploit it as an object for men to gawk at! I remain clothed to this day, no matter how smokin' my body is! Besides, only Geoff can look at me desirable body, and that's the way it should be!"

"I ran all out of hot wings... Can you be a sexy dear and give me some more?" The announcer teased her yet again as Bridgette lashed out at him.

"I'm not your damn waitress! I am a frickin' surfer girl with a blonde ponytail, damn it!" Bridgette shouted right at him as the camera began to back away from her constantly, "Hey, where in the hell are you going? I'm not done with you!"

"Now you know Venezuelan-born Hooter waitress... Bridgette!"

"There is no way you know me at all!" Bridgette exclaimed as the announcer's voice soon gave away, "I swear... I will find out and I will chop your whole body into damn chum with my surfboard! I mean it this time! And there's no proof that I'm from Venezuela, okay? Nor do I work at Hooters? I don't speak spanish or that crappy-dappy Alejandro talk! Hello? Can you hear me? This ain't over between you and me! I swear, me and my surfboard are gonna ride all over your hot wing-loving ass! I will find you! Count on it!"**  
**

* * *

**I suppose Bridgette does have a body for Hooters! Love the hot wings!  
**

**Up next will be Bridgette's immortal flame of her love Geoff right after you read and review! WINNING!  
**


	10. Chapter 10: Geoff

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Geoff**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a certain party boy with his trademark cowboy hat, pink shirt, and his killer stomach of steel took the hot seat.

"Whooooooooooo! I am soooooo glad to be here! Let's party!" Geoff exclaimed as he threw the devil horns right in the air.

"Geoff... The blonde hair he has makes him look like a lesbian."

"Uh, dude. You do realize I have a girlfriend in Bridgette, right?" Geoff explained calmly as he removed his hat for a bit, "Look at this hair. This isn't hot chick hair or is it Ellen DeGeneres hair. This is hot guy hair okay? I wear this hat to make my hair look good!"

"You know, it's okay to come out of the closet. All lesbians do that." The announcer teased him briefly.

"Dude, I'm not a chick, okay? I'm a frickin' guy! You think I'm gay because it's my pink shirt. Some of the guys who are straight wear pink as well. But I'm not gay, it's what I do okay? Even my girlfriend loves pink! I dare you to ask her!" Geoff exclaimed briefly.

"No, I wouldn't. Geoff... Has a fear of fat women at shoe stores."

"Dude, I so do not!" Geoff complained personally, "I have a fear of hail, okay? Even if it's quarter sized hail or even the worse kind of hail! I even hate the rain as well! But I don't hate fat women at shoe stores! Well, I'm uncomfortable being around them at least, but I don't necessarily hate them!"

"What about rainy fat women?" The announcer replied.

"Okay, that hurts really worse than hail, man! Like some sort of fatpocalypse or something..." Geoff shuddered, "But that can't possibly happen! Not if it was true! Can it?"

"Geoff... His nickname is 'Big Bird'!"

"It does not!" Geoff complained yet again, "I'm not from Sesame Street either! I'm a frickin' party boy with an attitude, okay? Well, I don't handle pressure very much, but I ain't afraid to get my hands dirty!"

"Really? You know who else is dirty? YOUR MOM!" The announcer declared as the last statement sent Geoff into a raging frenzy.

"You did not say that!" Geoff exclaimed, "I"LL RIP YOU APART AND USE YOUR BALLS AS JINGLE BELLS! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Geoff's sudden yelling sent the party boy on a pure rampage. He started to rip up everything in sight which included the set, the entire camera's and the microphones themselves. Seeing this, the announcer now felt a combination of hesistated and scared.

"Now you know, Geoff. Can someone please save my balls? I don't want them ringing..." the announcer spoke scared as the camera slowly backed away from Geoff who was still raging.

"Oh, yeah? You runnin' away from me?" Geoff threatened him deathly, "That's right, run away like the coward that you are, because no one makes fun of my mom like that! And no way am I a lesbian! I am 100% man, baby! So it looks like the only lesbian is you, pal! That's right! Wherever you are, me and my friends are gonna hunt you down like a motorbike going right through roadkill! How do you like that? Let the fat women rain for all I care! I ain't scared one bit! Revenge... will be mine!"

* * *

**I'm gonna make the announcer man get it in the last chapter. You don't know what it's gonna feel like, but it's coming.**

**Anyway, next up will be Cameron! What kind of pain will I unleash on him? Read and review until then, science bitches!**


	11. Chapter 11: Cameron

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Cameron**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed out frequently as a bubble boy with bottle-like glasses now took the hot seat this time. Cameron felt really prepared.

"I can't believe I'm remembered! This feels so excellent! I'm ready!" Cameron exclaimed as he was feeling a bit hyped up. The announcer then went right on to the facts.

"Cameron... He has born an alien."

"Uh, I'm pretty sure that I wasn't born an alien..." Cameron explained lightly, "You see, aliens need to have a fat round stomach with a zit shaped belly button in the center. And they must have huge foreheads. So therefore, I was born 100% percent human."

"Really? Because I swear I could see you in this Skeptic magazine here." The announcer replied as he held up a magazine of some sorts. The front cover happened to be Cameron's face pasted around an cartoon alien. Cameron looked a little crappy to be exact as he reacted understandably.

"You made me into the alien from American Dad? That cover is fake! He's lazy and fat, unlike me, in which I'm short and skinny! I'm telling you, I'm not an alien!" Cameron complained suggestively.

"Suuuuuuuure. Cameron... Was once caught for indecent exposure."

"What? That was mainly an accident! I was taking a shower and then Scott came and took all my clothes and my towels! I had to cover up with a razor leaf for gosh sakes! Those things hurt my upper legs while I was running for safety! Believe me, those little things scratch your crotch painfully!" Cameron exclaimed both in shock and anger.

"Well, then... you've should've worn underwear. Aliens shouldn't be naked in the first place."

"I am not an alien!" Cameron shouted angrily, "Look, I would be wearing underwear right now if Scott hadn't fed my underwear to Mike in a burrito! But I'm telling you, the whole indecent exposure act was just an accident! Honestly!"

"Cameron... He's from American Dad."

"I am not from American Dad!" Cameron complained once again, "And you still have no proof that I'm an alien, although albeit that it's a very good show, I'm telling you... you photoshopped it, man!"

"Come on... you can't admit that you're from American Dad..." The announcer teased play-fully at Cameron, who wasn't taking it very lightly.

"That's because I have nothing to do with that show! You can't mistake me for Steve either, although we both sport glasses and are smart in our own way." Cameron explained giving out the true facts.

"It's okay..." The announcer said with feigned compassion, "You can be Black Steve!"

"WHAT?" Cameron shouted in shock, "That is so not true! You're just being an ignorant racist now! What is up in your dope-filled mind?"

"Now you know Cameron, a.k.a. Black Alien Steve!" The announcer exclaimed in echo.

"What? They don't know me!" Cameron shot back in complaint form.

"Yes, they do!" The announcer smiled evilly as the camera backed further away from the bubble boy.

"I'm telling you they don't!" Cameron cried out angrily, "Look, you still have no proof that I'm an alien. And even if you did have proof, I'd zap that crappy little head right off! Trust me, when the aliens do come, they'll blast you right off this planet definitely! And trust me, you might have got me down, but I'm gonna keep getting back up! Like Gloria Gaynor said, I will survive! This isn't over!"

* * *

**Looks like Cameron turned into a consipracy nut at the last moment... LOL**

**Up next will be the liar known as Staci! Until then, read and review! BAZINGA!**


	12. Chapter 12: Staci

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 12: Staci  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer spoke out in echoed form again as a compulsive, yet chubby liar had now taken her seat this time. She was really impressed by the lights in the studio.

"Wow, you really made the lights seem so sparkly! You know my great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather Tom invented the first ever lightbulb! Back then, all we saw was darkness!" Staci exclaimed as the announcer felt a little annoyed.

"Yeah, don't care. Staci... Loves Chick-Fil-A!"

"Oh, that's impossible. I never go there. Chicken sandwiches gives me gas." Staci chuckled, "Did you know my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother Rosselini invented the chicken? Back then, we just ate the buns. Didn't feel tasty though. But I don't include eating them anytime soon."

"The waffle fries are good..." The announcer replied as his belly was rumbling.

"I hate them too. My great-great-great-great-great-great-" Staci hollered again.

"Yeah, whatever..." The announcer cut her off rudely, "Staci... She sounds like Kathy Griffin!"

"Hahahahahaha!" Staci chuckled hilariously as he did his best Kathy Griffin impression, "I don't sound like Kathy Griffin! My great-great-great grandmother Sheila actually gave birth to the mother who gave birth to the daughter who then gave birth to Kathy Griffin! Back then, Shelia-"

"Geez, will you shut the f**k up?"

"You don't talk back to me! I remember my great-great-great-great-great-great Rodney invented the term 'talk-back'. Back then, we just-" Staci replied as the announcer groaned and cut her off again.

"ARRRRRRGH! I REALLY DON'T CARE!" The announcer screamed at her aggressively and then calmed himself down. "Staci... she played the couch on Married...With Children."

"Oh, that's impossible. Couches are stale. I remember my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother Ophelia inventing the couch. Back then, we only sat on soil. If you ask me, it's..." Staci said before the announcer had enough of her.

"ARRRRRRRRRGH! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT CRAP! I'M MAKING AN INSULT TO YOU AND ACT LIKE IT's A F***IN' JOKE! WHY CANT YOU JUST TAKE IT AND GET IT OVER WITH?" The announcer screamed at her once more. His temper finally got to him aggressively.

"Ohhh, youre a catch!" Staci giggled nicely, "I sorta remember my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather Andy inventing the word 'F**k'! It's actually true! He sat on someone's rifle during the Civil War, and trigger was pulled off shooting one of his ass cheeks, screaming "F********K! to the sky! It's amazing!"

"You don't what? I really don't care!" The announcer exclaimed angrily as the camera backed away from Staci, "Now you know Staci! Can we please get out now so I can SHOOT MYSELF IN THE G****MN HEAD?"

"Wait! Where are you going?" Staci responded as she tried to stop the camera from backing away, but failed. "I got more stories to tell! Did you know my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother Turley invented the toilet? Back then we just crapped in fields. How disgusting is that? If you ask me, feces would smell like dog crap mixed with a rotten egg on hyacinth. I swear, one sniff of that stuff would kill a man. How about that? Hello? Are you even there, Mr. Announcer Man? HELLO?"

* * *

**My apologies to everyone for that little Married...With Children/fat joke, but a certain reviewer who reviews my Justin/Heather stories told me if I had anything against overweight women, and for the record: I don't have anything against them period. Just to clear things up.**

**Next up will be Beth! Read and review until then! BAZINGA!**


	13. Chapter 13: Beth

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 13: Beth**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed once again as a female wannabe who looked very geeky, shoprt and stature and patches right on her lime green shirt and decked in pink pants took the seat this time.

"This is so weird. I'm gonna get nauseous..." Beth spoke in a bit of a disoriented mood.

"Beth... Has been arrested 6 times."

"Um... I don't remember getting arrested." Beth thought for a moment. "Besides, my record is just clean as a whistle! Just to let you know, everyone in my family were born with clean slates with not one dirty mark on top of it."

The announcer only failed to respond at Beth's current statement. This made the wannabe speak up once again.

"Excuse me? Um, why aren't you listening to me?" Beth spoke at him with an eyebrow arched.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just reading this description of yours." The announcer replied as he was reading some kind of paper, mostly a police description. "Let's see arrested for bribery, holding a drug ring, prostitution ring, possession of cocaine. Beth, do you explain all of this you did?"

"Yeah, because I don't even remember getting arrested for any of that! Besides, the prostitution ring feels more disgusting in my taste!" Beth complained madly, "I tell you, I haven't been arrested, nor have I broken the law! Honestly! It's the truth!"

"Yeah, right..." The announcer yawned out of pity, "Beth, she was born in Alcatraz!"

"No... I was born in a farm! There was no way I was really born in Alcatraz!" Beth exclaimed, "Sure, I been there, but there's no waaaay I was from there when I was a baby!"

"Oh, then I guess this explains this family photo of you and your criminal father..." The announcer replied as he held a picture for Beth to see.

The picture happened to be Beth's face pasted on a skinny criminal, whose head was getting wrangled in a headlock by a large-builded yet black prisoner who looked like Chef Hatchet.

"What? This is photoshopped! There's no way I have a black father! I don't even have black skin personally! And there is no way I was born in Alcatraz! I'm no criminal!" Beth complained once again.

"Mm-Hmm, sure you don't... Beth, she enjoys a life of pot farming!"

"Okay, what is wrong with you? I have never planted pot in my life! Are you accusing me of being associated with drugs or what? Because you still have no proof that I've done anything bad!" Beth exclaimed, trying to believe the announcer what she's saying is true.

"Relax, Beth..." The announcer said in fake sympathy, "It's okay for us if you smoke ganja. After all, it's what bring families together..."

"No, I'm telling you! Drugs tear families apart! And I'm a family girl at best, not some sick criminal pot-sniffer! That'd be sick besides, you don't wanna know what Ganja smells like! It's like old dried broccoli having sex with a rusty doorknob!" Beth explained as the announcer decided to remain silent for a second, "Hello?"

"Now you know... Beth."

"NO YOU DON'T!" Beth cried out in anger and panic.

"Yes they do..." The announcer smirked as the camera soon started to back away from a steaming Beth.

"Oh, no you don't! You show yourself, announcer man!" Beth replied and exclaimed more angrily, "I'm telling you, I am not a smoker, nor was I born in Alcatraz, nor have I been arrested! And I can hardly cringe about the black father thing, which I don't have! And besides, even if I was arrested, I'd blame the whole lies on you personally! That's right! I'd take pot, cocaine, and crack and I'd shove it down your throat so bad, you O.D'eed faster the moment I drop you down with my fists! HELLO?"

* * *

**Hmmmm, Beth as a drughead. How exciting...**

**Next up will be the skinny nerdy loon known as Harold! Until then, read and review!**


	14. Chapter 14: DJ

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 14: D.J.  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer let out an echo once again as a certain powerhouse with a white cap, a long muscular build, and a D emblazoned in his shirt took the hot seat.

"This is so awesome! Hi, Mom! I hope you're watching poopydoo!" D.J. spoke and waved at the camera.

"D.J... his initials stand for Duck Jerker!"

"Uh, no, dude... that stands for Devon Joseph." D.J. said correcting the announcer, "I mean, calling someone a duck jerker is just basically wrong. It sounds so sick and perverted, man."

"Really? Well then... what's that in your hands?" The announcer spoke in a evil smirk.

"Wha?" D.J. muttered as he started to look at his hands. He was disgusted by the sight of yellow duck fur being stuck to his hands. "Wait a minute! I don't remember doing this! Did you rip off a duck's skin and glue it to my hands?

"Looks like we all know your real name and why you love to jerk ducks!" The announcer said with an accused laugh.

"I'm telling you man, you glued yellow fur on my hands!" D.J. cried out, "And my name is Devon Joseph!"

"D.J... He made Katie pregnant!"

"What? I never did anything like that!" D.J. said in sudden shock, "Besides, I hardly had time to talk to a girl throughout the series let alone get someone laid like that! You must be crazy!"

"Oh, am I? Here's the pic that proves that you are indeed!" The announcer exclaimed as he held a picture for D.J. to see.

It was mostly a picture of a naked Katie posing with a pregnant stomach as she covered up her breasts. But only to find out Katie's head was glued on a certain celebrity's body.

"Dude, that's false, man! You glued Katie's head on Demi Moore! And that isn't my child, okay?" D.J. complained.

"Uh, no I didn't..." The announcer lied under his teeth.

"Yes you did! There's the words "Vanity Fair" on top of her!" D.J. complained once again, but more angrily.

"Uh... No I didn't!" The announcer lied again as he went on with the introduction. "D.J... he's daddy's little girl!"

"NO, I'M NOT!" D.J. screamed and cried, "I'm a momma's boy and I'm dang proud of it! There's no proof I'm daddy's little girl! Besides, a girl needs to have breasts to become one!"

"Are you sure?" The announcer spoke in a teasing fashion.

"I'm sure!" D.J. responded again.

"You sure?"

"Yes..." D.J. said in an impatient tone.

"You reeeeeeeeally sure?"

"I'm sure, okay?" D.J. replied once again, but this time, his teeth was about to grit.

"Are you really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really-"

"YES I'M SURE! WILL YOU QUIT OUT ALL OF THIS STUPID-ASS DUCK JERKING NONSENSE, PLEASE?" D.J. screamed angrily as him. He was now steaming angry.

"Sure. Now you know... D.J. aka Duck Jerker!"

"MY NAME'S DEVON JOSEPH!" D.J. screamed in rage.

"Are you suuuuuuuuure?" The announcer spoke in a pleasing tone.

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I'M SURE!" D.J. screamed again as the camera began to back away from him quickly, "AND I'LL TELL YA SOMETHING ELSE, IF I WERE TO SHAVE A HORSE'S ASS AND GLUED IT IN YOUR HANDS, YOUR HANDS WOULD SMELL LIKE HORSE'S ASS TOO! BELIEVE YOU ME, YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A HORSE'S ASS In REAL LIFE! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT TO THE STABLE WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! TRUST ME!"

* * *

**Looks like D.J.'s reached a breaking point...**

**Next up will be our favorite Jockette, Jo! Until then, read and review! BAZINGA!**


	15. Chapter 15: Jo

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 15: Jo  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed out again as a certain Jockette wearing a gray hoodie and gray sweatpants took the hot seat this time.

"Well, this is so dandy of you... Hurry it up so I won't have to feel like fat man sweat..." Jo replied as she crossed his arms in the most boring way.

"Jo... he's a boy!"

"I am so not a boy!" Jo exclaimed angrily, "Why does everyone think I'm a boy? I'm a girl for crying out loud!"

And then, it suddenly came to Jo just about now.

"Wait a minute... did Lightning put you up to this? Because I will so thrash him like a corny little fruit if he told you!" Jo threatened right to the announcer's face.

"Nothing that you need to know, sir..." The announcer teased once again as Jo was minutes away from losing it, but decided to keep her cool.

"Just keep moving on, douchebag..." Jo said angrily gritting her teeth as the announcer went on with his introductions.

"Jo... She likes Brick!"

"What for?" Jo reacted wide-eyed and angered, "The only thing I know about him is that I like to thrash him in everything I'm good at. Whether it's jumping jacks, pushups, lifting weights or sprints, I'll beat him every single day! But there is no way that I like him! Plain and simple!"

However, the announcer noticed Jo's face starting to redden up a bit as she looked the other way from the camera.

"Are you actually blushing?" The announcer smiled right at Jo, who felt a little annoyed and gushed that the announcer brought up her and Brick in the first place.

"No, I'm not! It's frickin' hot in here, that's why your frickin A.C. didn't work in the first place!" Jo cried out aggressively.

"Yeah, right. You know you like him..."

"I do not, okay? Can we just move on?" Jo replied in anger and stress.

"Fine, liar. Jo... Her upcoming biopic will soon be played by Neil Patrick Harris!"

"I hate Neil Patrick Harris!" Jo angrily shouted right to the announcer once again, "I don't want anything to do with that Sunkissed hairy freak! Besides, if I want to have a biopic of my own, I'll have Charlize frickin' Theron play me! Anything's better off than Doogie Butt-Hugger Howser!"

"He's perfect for the role..."

That one little statement of his sent Jo on a rage-filled frenzy.

"NOBODY'S PERFECT TO PLAY ME IN ANYTHING! RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Jo screamed out aggressively. "TRY TO MAKE ANOTHER LIE ABOUT ME THAT ISN'T TRUE! COME ON, I DARE YOU TO FACE ME ONE-ON-ONE LIKE THE LITTLE WORM THAT YOU ARE! BECAUSE WHEN I'LL FIND YOU, I'LL RIP OFF YOUR D**K AND MAKE YOU SUCK IT, YOU FANCY-FREEING FREAK!"

"Now you know, Jo..." Was all that the announcer would say when Jo rushed out after him like an angry bull going on a deathspree. He let out a shocking scream, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HOW DID YOU FIND ME?"

"You we're hiding behind the stands!" Jo shouted at him, "Now let's play of game of Hide The Johnson, starring your d**k and your face!"

Jo then tugged down right to the announcer's crotch, and then in a matter of moments...

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !" The announcer screamed in pain as he saw his manhood being ripped off courtesy of Jo's sculpted hand. "THAT'S WHERE I MAKE MY BABIES FROM!"

"WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU WON A PACIFIER!" Jo screamed mightly right to him, "NOW OPEN UP FOR MOMMY!"

"PLEASE, NOOOOOO! GO TO COMMERCIAL! GO To COMMERCIAAAAAAAAAL!" The announcer screamed for death as Jo took his sausage and shoved it right in his mouth, if it wasn't cut out due to the end of the sketch.

* * *

**Man, Jo just went apeshit on that announcer big-time! Good for Jo! That announcer deserves it!**

**Next up will be good ol' Brick's turn! Until then, read and review, suckas!**


	16. Chapter 16: Brick

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 16: Brick  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer spoke out echoing again as a certain cadet with a flattop, a muscular build, and his family dogtags now took a seat.

"It's an honor to be here, soldier. I hope you'll do me some justice." Brick responded to the camera and the announcer with a salute.

"Brick McArthur... His middle name is Snugglepuss!"

"Um... I don't think my middle name was Snugglepuss..." Brick replied in annoyance, "You know, come to think of it, I really don't have a middle name to begin with. Besides, isn't 'snugglepuss' sorta like a cat name?"

"That's not true. Momma wuvs her little Snugglepuss..." The announcer spoke in baby talk as this didn't amuse Brick one bit!

"My mom does not call me 'Snugglepuss', soldier! You're breaking on solid ground my friend! You don't wanna push my buttons ya wiseacre!" Brick threatened him properly as the announcer went on.

"Brick McArthur... He knocked up Jo!"

'I surely did not!" Brick reacted in shock, "The truth is, I'm not sure if I like her or not! I only respect Jo as a respective sportswoman and nothing else. Besides, I hardly ever dated her or kissed her, or even got her pregnant! Admit it, you made it all up!"

"Nothing comes further from the truth, Brick..." the announcer spoke in a teasing, tantalizing manner, "So... what are you gonna name the kid?"

"I'm gonna name him nobody, because all of this you're saying is a bunch of lies, soldier! Admit it! I did not knock Jo up!" Brick said as he pointed a finger at the announcer.

"Brick McArthur... likes to collect granny panties!"

"Okay, what the hell's wrong with you all of a sudden? I definitely do not collect granny panties! Thinking about that makes my innards puke out from the butt! Soldier, I am telling you the honest-to-god truth! I'm not some sick pervert!" Brick cried out in anger.

"Look up... I got something for you!" The announcer said in a pleasing tone.

"What now? You finally gonna leave?" Brick replied stressfully as he looked way up to the ceiling.

In an instant, the ceiling started to rain down pairs of granny panties down Brick's head in all different colors. Brick grunted in pain as the speed of the panties falling resulted in him getting knocked out from his chair.

Brick had finally gotten out of the dog pile and just sat in instant shock.

"Where in the hell did you get these?" Brick said to the announcer forcibly.

"I got it from under your bed, you sly dog you..." The announcer spoke in a tantalizing mood once again.

"Bullcrap, soldier! You shoved these granny panties in my bed when I wasn't home! I'm telling you, I'm not a collector of granny panties, you turd!" Brick shouted out in a angrily tone.

"Now you know... Brick 'Snugglepuss' McArthur!"

"WHAT?!" Brick responded in shock, "You don't know me!"

"Yes I do..." The announcer responded as the camera backed far away from the cadet.

"You come back here now, soldier!" Brick shouted once again, "You and me aren't finished yet! There's no proof that I impregnated Jo, not that I don't like her... but still, I only respect her! And where did you get Snagglepuss from, some f**ked-up 60's cartoon or something? Because you can't compare me to a pink cat with acid, my friend! And I don't even know where these granny panties came from, you turd! You happen to steal them at a senior crackhead's Cracker Barrel, didn't you? Admit it! HELLO?"

* * *

**Brick oughtta be ashamed of himself for that little granny panty issue... LOL**

**Next up will be one of my favorites, Justin! Read and review, my bloody warlocks! WINNING!**


	17. Chapter 17: Justin

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Justin  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed once again as a handsome Hawaiian with a marvelous model-like physique, black wavy hair, a killer smile and tight green shirt sat on the hot seat.

"All right, it's good to be here. Let's hope my dazzling smile will infect you today." Justin smirked to the camera as he looked in the mirror once again.

"Justin... he's best known as Beck Oliver from 'Victorious'!"

"Um, you do realize that was actually Avan Jogia, right?" Justin raised an answering eyebrow and chuckling, "I'm best known for playing the hunk on Total Drama Island and Total Drama Action. I would have been on Total Drama World Tour if that little Latin lameass Alejandro hadn't stole my thunder..."

"Do you know Victoria Justice? And that guy with the hand stuffed into the puppet's ass?" The announcer replied trying to know.

"No I don't work with them! And I'm not Beck Oliver!" Justin said with a truthful tone. "It's the truth. My abs says that it's the truth!"

"Justin... Wears Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles underwear."

"That is false, man!" Justin said pointing a finger at the announcer, "I do not wear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle underwear! I prefer briefs! The kind of underwear that molds well to my skin!"

"Check under your pants..." The announcer spoke in a teasing mood as Justin took a peek under his pants. When he does, he is shocked at what he sees.

Using the best strength that he can, Justin rips off the elastic off the TMNT underwear and shows it to the camera?

"You made me wear Leonardo underwear? This underwear is for 6 year-old's for crying out loud! What are you trying to do, treat me like some rag-dolled kid?" Justin spoke in sudden reaction.

"Yes. Enjoy it?" The announcer smiled at him.

"Not as much as you're gonna enjoy my fist right to your throat when I find you!" Justin exclaimed as he threw the already-ripped underwear away.

"Justin... check out your butt."

"Why?" Justin said with his eyebrow raised.

"Just check it out. You'll like it." The announcer smirked evilly.

As Justin bended over right to a full-scale mirror, there was something in red written in the back of his denim jeans. He was surprised at what the text really said.

"Property of Victoria Justice?" Justin said in surprise, "What the heck does she think I am? A sex toy?"

"Ohhhhhhhh, Jussssssssstiiiin!" a voice heard right out of nowhere, namely it was offscreen and weird of all...

...it was Victoria Justice's voice.

"What is it?" Justin said groaning.

"It's time for my massage, my little piece of Luau. And go oil yourself. I purr like a kitten at the sight of you..." Victoria purred with a wink as she left the studio, which left Justin groaning.

"Now you know, Justin a.k.a. Boytoy of Mrs. Victoria Justice herself."

"You don't know me!" Justin exclaimed right to the camera in which it was backing away from him properly.

"Justin, I'm waaaaaiting..." Victoria said in a flirting tone far away.

"Coming..." Justin groaned once again to Victoria as he was about to leave the set, but not without a few parting words to the announcer, "This ain't over yet pal! Trust me, I will hunt you down like the annoying nard-licking deer that you are!"

"Ooooooh, I'm scared..." The announcer said with a terrified mock as the camera backed away from the handsome Hawaiian.

"Because you better be scared..." Justin threatened him lightly, "I know the insults you make, pal! Just because I look like a pretty boy, that doesn't mean I can thrash you like the tornado that I am! Even if it does ruin my good looks, I'll will find you! And just for the record, I am still not Avan Jogia! Only Avan Jogia is Avan Jogia! Count on that, pal!"

* * *

**Just so I'm clear, I do not own the likeness of Avan Jogia and Victoria Justice from "Victorious". BECK+TORI 4-EVER!**

**Now that I'm done with Justin, what will I have in store for Heather next chapter?**

**Read and review until then! BAZINGA!**


	18. Chapter 18: Heather

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 18: Heather  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer let out an echo once again as a certain Queen Bee with fabulous long raven hair, mahogany halter top and light green hot pants took her seat.

"You better treat me well this time... I know your game and I won't fall for it this time. Do your worst!" Heather exclaimed angrily to the announcer just forcing a fist at him.

"Heather... she's related to Crystal Gayle!"

"What?" Heather replied in reaction, "I am so not related to Crystal Gayle! Yes, we have the same long-length beautiful hair and the same singing voice, but you don't have no proof of that ever happening! Besides, I don't even like country music!"

"Here's $10." The announcer said as he threw a ten dollar bill right at Heather, "Sing 'Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue'."

"I will certainly not! And why did you tip me a $10?" Heather questioned him slightly, then she soon comes to realization, "Wait a minute? Are you calling me a singing whore? Because I am no tramp! And I'm still not related to Crystal Gayle! I'm frickin' Asian, geez!"

"Heather... She stole those Daisy Duke's!"

"I didn't steal these!" Heather replied to the announcer as she touched the khaki-like leather of her hot pants, "I bought these with my own money! You think I'm some kind of clothes-stealer? Because I'm not! Case closed!"

"Really? If you didn't steal these, then why does it say 'Property of Jessica Simpson' on the nametag?" The announcer blared out as the camera gave a closeup to Heather's hot pants.

Heather soon looked at the nametag attached to her hot pants and just lost it from there.

"It's because you planted that on me when I was sleep! I was gonna find you afterwards and make you choke on the tag anyway! Besides, where in the hell are you? Some kind of crap-hole that you refuse to get out of? Why don't you take your lumps like the fat little piece of dump that you are?" Heather threatened the announcer a bit, but he decided to move on.

"Heather... Will open for The Oak Ridge Boys this summer!"

"I already told you I don't frickin' like country!" Heather complained angrily, "Okay, I like rock and rap, and maybe even the top 40! But there is no way I'm opening up for The Oak Ridge Boys! I swear, the guy with the bass voice sounds like someone jabbed him in the throat! Does he have a smoking problem or some kind of froggy tumor? And there's still no way I'm related to Crystal Gayle! You still can't prove that!"

"Will you sing 'Talking In Your Sleep'?" The announcer questioned the Queen Bee who didn't look so amused by this one bit.

"I'll kill you in your sleep if that's what you're asking!" Heather threatened him aggressively as her beautiful long hair blew right in the wind. "And let me tell you something else-"

It was all that Heather would say when the announcer cut her off rudely.

"Now you know Heather the singing whore. She'll be opening up for Eddie Rabbitt as well!"

"Eddie Rabbitt died long time ago, you pickled bitch!" Heather exclaimed madly right to the announcer, "And you still don't know me!"

"Yes, they do..." The announcer smiled nicely as the camera backed far away from Heather, who was still raging mad like a bull with steroids.

"No you don't!" Heather complained as she shook her fist in the air, "And back away if you have too, because once I find you, I'll skin your hairy butt apart and make a nice bear-skin rug for my dog! That's right, you should never cross me again, because when we do meet, I'll make you wish you were never born! And I'm still not related to Crystal Gayle, juse to let you know again! Nobody interrupts me what I have to say and get away with it for as long as they live, pal! This isn't the last you hear of me! I SWEAR OF IT!"

* * *

**Like last chapter, I don't own likeliness to country legends Crystal Gayle, The Oak Ridge Boys, or the late great Eddie Rabbitt (I Love A Rainy Night!). Only they own themselves and not me. Just like Heather is owned by the producers of the Total Drama series.**

**Up next will be, *shudders angrily* Alejandro. Read and review if you can.**


	19. Chapter 19: Alejandro

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 19: Alejandro  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a certain ladies man, who looked very Latino, sporting a really shiny bull necklace, a soul patch, and an evil soulless intent took the hot seat this time

"Hmmmmm... I wonder how this is gonna go. Well, no matter. A guy like me with a beautiful angel like Heather deserves recognition once and a while. So come at me." Alejandro spoke in a very relaxing mood.

"Alejandro Burromuerto... He's an illegal alien."

"Heh, you got it all wrong pal..." Alejandro chuckled like it was some kind of joke, and then decided to pull out his passport, "I'm not an illegal alien. You see I'm actually a visitor to this great country. I love all the customs that you have in this great country. I love the Blue Jays, chili fries, exotic canadian bacon, and the most beautiful women I could charm their panties off."

"Are you sure? Because it says here on your description that Alejandro entered the country illegally!" The announcer exclaimed.

"I am not an illegal alien, okay? I came here as a visitor!" Alejandro cried out in a foul-less temper, "Besides, to be an illegal alien, you have to cross the border by foot! But me, I only flew by plane! So herego, that proves I'm not an illegal alien! Point driven!"

"Alejandro Burromuerto... his real name is Alexander Dead-donkey!"

"That is not my real name!" Alejandro exclaimed angrily as he yelled right to the announcer once again, "My real name is Alejandro Burromuerto, okay? Besides, who in the hell gave you the idea that my real name is Alexander Dead-donkey?"

"The producers that work for your show." The announcer smirked, "Go ahead and tell them, they won't lie to a 'jackass' like you... Dead-donkey."

'Uh..." Alejandro spoke in a sluggish mood, "I refuse not to! I know that this is all lies! All lies, I tell you! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES! And besides, the next thing that you tell me is just gonna be another lie."

"Whatever you say, ya conspiracy nut!" The announcer smiled fake-like to him, "Alejandro Burromuerto... his 'girlfriend' Heather cheated on him with Justin!"

"Yeah, right! I knew that this was another lie all along." Alejandro spat out to the announcer, who kept on smirking, "You know my Heather wouldn't do something like this to me! She's faithful to me and I'm faithful to her! So enough of all these lies!"

"Really?" The announcer said upsettingly, "Do you think THIS is a lie?"

The announcer now seemed to play a tape of two figures having rough and nasty sex in the bathroom of a five-star restaurant. To Alejandro's shock, the two figures happened to be Heather and Justin getting it on, with the eye candy sitting on a closed toilet while the Queen bee was grinding in his lap sexually and naughtily. Best of all, they were all covered in sweat and both of their bodies became all full frontal nudity. Their groans were just so ferocious and monstrous. From the camera's angle, only the footage was uncensored.

"OHHHHHHH, JUSSSSSTIN! FASTER BABY, FASTER!" Heather moaned loudly as she was being pumped over and over again.

"OHHH, HEATHER! YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT BAD!" Justin moaned loudly as well as the rest of the customers left the bathroom, being a little disturbed.

"OHHHH, YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ALEJANDRO!" Heather shouted right back to Justin as he was about to reach his breaking point.

"OHHH YEAH I AAAAAAAAM!" Justin shouted right back as a squirting sound was heard with so much sexual delight.

"OHHHHHHHH, JUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTIN!" Heather yelled so much that it broke the camera lens and the footage off immediately.

Alejandro saw this and was just shell shocked at what he saw.

"Alejandro?" The announcer's voice came again as he was checking up on the Latin Rodrigo.

Alejandro didn't respond one bit and was still shell shocked once again.

"Yoooo-hooo... Alexander Dead-donkey?"

Still no response from Alejandro once again. So the announcer decided to close it out immediately.

"Now you know Alexander Dead-donkey and not Alejandro Burromuerto!" The announcer exclaimed happily as the camera shifted back on a still jaw-dropped Alejandro.

Finally, Alejandro moved in response, only to drop at his knees just like he lost a very huge battle or somesorts. With his anger drawn at the video, he let out one huge scream to the heavenly skies in monstrosity-like hatred.

"JUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTTTTTIN!" Alejandro yelled as the pitch of the scream ended up breaking the camera and cutting the whole entire feed, marking the end of the segment for today.

* * *

**Ouch! Having Heather gettin' it on with Justin hurts way bad for Alejandro! I say... he deserves what he gets, because I don't even like him! He's nothing but a Yabba-Dabba bitch...**

**Next up will be another one of my favorites, the blonde famemonger known as Dakota! Read and review until then. WINNING!**


	20. Chapter 20: Dakota

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 20: Dakota**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed once again like always as a hot, blonde famemonger dressed in a pink bustier and bright orange sunglasses took the seat this time!

"I'm so glad to be here! Finally, my ticket for fame has finally paid off! Let me hear my fans and their words!" Dakota exclaimed with a smile as she was showing off for the cameras.

"Dakota Milton... has a pig for a pet!"

"Ugh! I hate pigs!" Dakota cringed with her face having a stinging look, "They're so slimy and just so muddy! One time when I was 7 and we were at the petting Zoo for a field trip, I had one kiss my beautiful face and I felt piggy mud all through my cheeks. I had to call daddy because they had to spray disinfectant on all the animals that tried to kiss me! I'll never go to a dirtfest like the zoo again! Nothing can come out of it!"

As Dakota kept thrashing on, she heard a pig oink right to her feet. Dakota just looked down on the teacup pig that was hiding in her pink purse and just screamed like a banshee mixed with a lunch whistle.

"AAAAAAAAH!" Dakota screamed as she saw the teacup pig smiling right at her, "How in the hell did he get in my purse? That has all my expensive pink make-up here!"

"Don't blame me... you're the one who bought the pig... Miss Piggy!" The announcer teased at her harshfully, yet hilariously to his amusement.

"Are you calling me a pig? Because I am no pig, okay! I don't roll around in crap and go smelling like a hobo's ass with hyacinth! I like to roll around in money and laugh up my fame and fortune with daddy! Enough said!" Dakota exclaimed in anger, yet he was still irritated by the teacup pig playing around inside Dakota's purse. "Can someone please get rid of that deviant varmint. He using my entire lipstick as slop, for pete's sake!"

"Uh, I don't think I wont. Dakota Milton... got knocked up by Sam!"

"I did not get knocked up by Sam, okay?" Dakota said in complaint, "Me and Sam never had any sex yet and you have to thrash him too by making me pregnant, in which I don't remember letting him give it to me?"

The announcer didn't even respond, but instead, he retaliated...

...by having a huge boxing glove hit her right in the ribs in an instant.

"OOOOOOF!" Dakota yelped as she felt the pain go right to her abdomen. The force of the punch felt like a freight train going through 150 miles per hour and crashing right at her stomach. She managed to speak while clutching her chest, "WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU PUNCH ME RIGHT IN THE STOMACH?"

"The baby kicked. You're gonna be a mommy!" The announcer shouted happily.

"Really? Because that's what you're gonna need when I shove that boxing glove somewhere where mommy used to put the thermometer!" Dakota threatened the announcer aggressively as he continued on.

"Dakota Milton... will soon be beat up by the little pig."

"What? That's impossible!" Dakota exclaimed, feeling like she wasn't afraid, "Besides, I'm taller than that crapbug you call a pig!"

"Really? Let's find out..." The announcer smirked as he began his pig call, "Soo-soo-SOOOOOOOOOOOOOIEEEEEEEEE!"

In in instant, the teacup pig emerged out of Dakota's purse with his eyes bulging red through anger and faced Dakota head-on. Dakota looked down at him still not being afraid.

"I ain't afraid of you, barfworm! Why don't you run back to the pen where the little bacon roams through a roaring skillet fire? How do you li-" was all that Dakota would say as the little pig lunged at her with it's pig fists, slugging her right in the face. "OWWWW! HOW DARE YOU HIT MY-?"

The pig then slugged at her again, just bouncing around and showing her a 'you wanna piece of me' attitude that he possessed.

"THAT HURT, YOU LITTLE BACON-FART! TAKE THAT!" Dakota screamed at the pig as she tried to swing at him, but the pig kept punching on and just going circles her. With such blows to the face, it was a miracle that Dakota refused to stay down, at least for a little while until the pig got her right in the chin. "AAAAOOOOOW!"

"And now you know, Dakota 'Miss Piggy' Milton!" The announcer exclaimed as the camera backed away from an already beaten Dakota.

"You don't know me-OOF!" Dakota spoke right to the announcer before she got her lights punched for good by the force-five punch of the little pig.

Dakota dropped like an elm tree being defeated on her back. In comedic effect, the little pig stood tall as he stepped on Dakota's beaten abdomen and raised his hands for victory happily.

"Mommy...? Can I have my sl-sl-slop now? My lips are as flat as p-pig cr-crap... Uhhhh..." Dakota muttered as she saw pitch black from the horrendous yet humorous beatdown caused by the little teacup pig that could. Ouch.

* * *

**Dakota getting beat up by a little razorback. Now that would be something else...**

**Next up will be the lovable video game nerd known to others as Sam! Until then, read and review.**

**Just so you know, a razorback is a college mascot that comes from Arkansas, and I'm proud of my Razorback pride! SOOOOOOOOOOOIE!**


	21. Chapter 21: Sam

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches. Expect a lot of references to video game characters in this chapter.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 21: Sam  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer let out an pitched echo again as a geeky video gamer with a case of gas and is similar to a certain movie star had taken the hot seat this time.

"Oooooooh, yeah! I'm loving this!" Sam spoke with excitement, "It's just like when 'May-lo 4' came out! I feel excited like a crazy squirrel on peanut brittle!"

"Sam... was burned alive by Scorpion from Mortal Kombat."

"Uh, dude... Scorpion's not even real, man." Sam chuckled in defense, "And besides, I don't even remember getting burned alive. That burns way worse than acid being thrown by a trippy monkey, believe you me."

"Oh, so Reptile burned you with the acid and now your skin's made of blanket sheets?" The announcer said with his head scratching.

"No, I just say that it burns worse than acid being thrown by a trippy monkey. I didn't say I was burned by it man. I mean come on, Reptile's virtual too. And my skin isn't made of blanket sheets! True story!" Sam complained lightly as the announcer went on.

"Sam... he cheated on Dakota with Lara Croft."

"I sooooo did not, man!" Sam exclaimed as he wanted to set the record straight, "Lara Croft's not even real. So how could I ever cheat on Dakota like that? I mean, look at her, dude! She's blonde, she's pretty and she's so bubbly! She can raid my tomb anytime! HA!"

"What about this this picture of you and Lara Croft kissing?" the announcer replied as he brought out a digitized photo.

The photo showed Sam kissing his lips on what seems to be Angelina Jolie dressed up as Lara Croft in a photo-op.

"That's Angelina Jolie dressed up as her!" Sam exclaimed truthfully.

"No, it isn't!" The announcer lied to him falsely.

"Yes it is, it's false! Photoshopped and lied, I tell ya! Just like the time my mom lied to me about my XBOX 360 being sold to the smelly hobos! This is bad just like your lies, man! I had to work my ass of 6 months before I could get another one, ya clock-blocker!" Sam shot back at the announcer.

"Sam... he'll get his ass owned by Dakota when he heard that he cheated on her!"

"Yeah right, ain't no way that's gonna happen!" Sam exclaimed with a scoff.

However, Dakota had finally entered the studio, looking a little upset and not to mention flat-out pissed.

"You two-timing slut!" Dakota yelled at Sam with intensity of a tiger.

"Uh, hi Dakota..." Sam said narrowly smiling at her.

"Don't 'Hi, Dakota' me! I saw you with that fat-lipped hoser! Who's this Lara Croft person I never even heard about? God help you if he's one of your co-whores!" Dakota snapped at him angrily.

"I haven't seen her before, Dakota! She's just a video game character! Or actress, whoever she is! I don't remember even kissing her! The only girl I like kissing is you!" Sam pleaded on his knees, hoping that Dakota doesn't kill the hell out of him.

Unfortunately for Sam, Dakota had thought of it.

"The only thing you're gonna kiss..." Dakota responded, but only in an instant, to transform into the mutant known as the Dakotazoid. Sam saw her angry face displayed in terrifying fashion. "...IS MY ASS IN HELLLLLLLLL!"

"Oh, dear Mario in hell, nooooooo!" Sam yelled as Dakota grabbed him by his pillow-y body. She had a pretty strong grip for a very hot blonde mutant though.

"Now you know Sam. Viewers, you might wanna turn away. It will get real uggggggg-glaaaaaaay!" The announcer smirked as the camera moved back and far to the other side from the massacre that Dakota was gonna unleash on Sam. All of the punches and his grunts were heard off-camera.

"OOOOOOOOF! ACK! MAN, DAKOTAZOID, DON'T RIP THAT OFF, I USE THAT TO TAKE A DUMP!" Sam yelled in pain as a ripping sound was heard. It was certain that the Dakotazoid had tore him a new one. Literally. And with a rip-roaring scream, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH CAAAAAARLY RAAAAAE JEPSSSSSEN!"

Sam's painful scream caused the feed to go static while the words "Brief Intermission" popped up everyone's television sets around the world. Thank god for censorship...

* * *

**Sam's gonna need to stitch his ass back together because of that...**

**Next up will be the dainty and bubbly blonde known as Lindsay! Until then, read and review! WINNING!**


	22. Chapter 22: Lindsay

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 22: Lindsay  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a certain ditzy blonde princess with her blue bandana, star-labeled cowboy boots, and amazing rack now took the spotlight.

"Ooooooh, I love being on America's Got Talent! Where's Howard Stern? I wanna see him so baaaaad! So dreamy!" Lindsay happily giigled and shouted as she now began to sing, "Laaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

"Please don't..." The announcer said stopping Lindsay from singing any further, "Lindsay... she gets kidnapped by a dragon multiple of times."

"Ewwwww, I'm uncomfortable with dragons! They remind me of Dugan!" Lindsay exclaimed looking a bit grossed out.

"That's Duncan..." The announcer spoke to Lindsay again correcting her.

"That's right!" Lindsay exclaimed, "I like unicorns better. That way they could tickle my chest whenever I breathe in and out."

"You're kidding, right?" The announcer replied with his eyebrow raised.

"It's true. Watch!" Lindsay exclaimed again as she took a very large deep breath.

And then all of a sudden, Lady Raincorn from Adventure Time swooped in from the studio unexpectedly. And within any warning, Lady's nose was being snuggled all over Lindsay's huge breasts. The sensation that Lindsay felt was so ticklish and so crazy like a kitty purring in someone's lap.

"Hahahahahaha!" Lindsay laughed as Raincorn's soft unicorn face was now rubbing her gentle rack more often, which made the blonde bombshell laugh out loud due to the sensation, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S LIKE A VIBRATING PICKLE! HAHAHAHAHA!"

As the brief tickling session ended, Lady Raincorn soon launched herself back to the sky where Lindsay waved goodbye.

"Bye Lady Raindrop! Say hello to Funjun and Jerk for me!" Lindsay shouted to Lady Raincorn in the sky once again, who took off to Candy Kingdom.

"It's Finn and Jake..." The announcer said right to Lindsay, correcting her properly.

"Finn and Jake are here? I love the little dog! He looks like a taffy Hulk Hogan!" Lindsay spoke real excitingly as the announcer groaned.

"No Lindsay, they're not here! Can you let me continue this thing before my balls commit suicide listening to you?" The announcer said with a deathly groan.

"You don't have to be that harsh..." Lindsay muttered as she took her seat once again, not knowing that she fell out of her seat when Lady Raincorn hand tickled her.

"Lindsay... She's perfect for CineMax!"

"Oh, my goodness, I am?" Lindsay said with a surprised manner, "I love CineMax! They play the best movies out of everything! I wonder if I can end up on there..."**  
**

"Yeah, maybe you'd be perfect for it, indeed. Especially you'd love being in a movie when it airs after dark..." The announcer smirked pervertically as the camera was checking out Lindsay's entire body.

"I don't know about that... I heard those kinds of movies debilitate people." Lindsay explained it further, before she noticed that something was wrong with her statement. The announcer knew that Lindsay was trying to say the word degrade. "Wait, did I say that right? I'm sure it meant something else."

"Oh, no. You got it right!" The announcer lied to her with a smirk, "In fact, after the show, who don't you come into that little abandoned warehouse with all the blue wrapping and you can audition there? I have a camera and I know the professionals that can make you famous!"

"Wow! I can't believe I'm gonna be in a movie after dark! I bet there's be hot guys there! I'll impress them with my skills!" Lindsay said happily.

"With those 'features'..." The announcer smirked again as the camera got a nice closeup of Lindsay's breasts, "...you'd be a hit..."

"Yeah, I bet I win an Academy Award!" Lindsay smiled once again as the announcer went on with the interview.

"Lindsay... I'm really Tyler narrating this..." The announcer lied to her again.

"Tyler? You're here? Oh my gosh, I love that you're here! I just got accepted an audition! Will you come and watch me do my thing?" Lindsay said real happily to 'Tyler', even though she was still talking to the announcer really stupidly.

"Oh, I think I'll do more than 'come'..." The announcer smirked evilly again as he now began to use his Tyler voice again, "Now don't forget. There are no bras in auditions, so best come without one..."

"Oh, I will! Thank you Tyler!" Lindsay replied once again as she quickly took her purse and got off the seat and into the studio.

"Make sure you wait up for me, Linds!" The announcer a.k.a. The Not-Real Tyler said to Lindsay right before she was gone. "Now you all know Lindsay, coming straight to an Max After Dark movie screen near you in 'Dirty Blonde Dumb Girls At Hooters'! Heh, she doesn't even know I'm actually Tyler! I'm just an announcer coming to give her some dirty nookie in a matter of minutes! MAN, AM I GETTING SOME TONIGHT! WHOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The announcer then celebrated happily as he left for the abandoned warehouse where Lindsay was stupidly standing and got some.

* * *

**I can't believe Lindsay fell for that! Such a pervert is the announcer... I like it!**

**Hmmmmm, next up will be Tyler's turn! What damage shall I cause him? Read and review until then, everyone! Woo woo woo, you know it!**


	23. Chapter 23: Tyler

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 23: Tyler  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer let out an echo once again as a untalented jock with a red headband and red tracksuit with the words "TJ" labeled on his chest took the hot seat this time.

"That's right! Tyler's in the house! Send me all the accolades I need, baby! Yeah!" Tyler exclaimed as he was boasting to all the fans who were watching him right now.

"Tyler... his real name is Ashton Kutcher."

"Hehe... you're kidding right?" Tyler chuckled gently, "There's no possible way my real name is Ashton Kutcher. Although many people they compare him to me because we have the same brown hair and all."

"When are you gonna be on Twitter, Ashton?"

"You serious? I hate Twitter! It's has a little retarded blue bird as it's logo! I don't wanna go anywhere near there, that pansyass site!" Tyler lashed out fiercely, "And my name's still not Ashton Kutcher!"

"Ashton Kutcher... he takes steroids!"

"I so do not take steroids!" Tyler shouted in defense, "I swear to you, I never had anything pinched or stabbed in my upper body in my entire life. Case closed. End of story. And my name's Tyler!"

And then suddenly out of nowhere, a huge shot needle comes striking Tyler right in the ass.

"OWWWWWWWWW!" Tyler screamed in pain as he was holding on to his butt, "Why in the heck did you do that, man? You know my butt's always fragile!"

"Proof that you take steroids." The announcer smirked evilly at the pained jock in red.

"Dude, that was you stabbing me in the butt, man!" Tyler lashed out at him angrily, "You juiced me on purpose, man! Admit it!"

"I dunno what you're getting at. I hope your huge, monstrous butt doesn't destroy me after the show..." The announcer both lied and teased at him harshly amusingly.

"That's weird, because I'm gonna kick yours after the show!" Tyler exclaimed as he was threatening the announcer, "I'm gonna mess you up the next time I find you! Where are you at?"

"Ashton Kutcher-" The announcer said before he was cut off.

"TYLER!" Tyler shouted and correcting right at him.

"Fine, whatever! Tyler... Look behind you." The announcer smirked.

"What for?" Tyler said to him aggressively shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh, just a guess..." The announcer smiled at him like nothing was really going on.

"Fine, I'll turn around, just to see that there's no one..." Tyler responded as he finally turned around only to be cut off at what he sees.

Standing face-to-face with Tyler was none other than Ashton Kutcher.

"Hey, you're Ashton Kutcher! Wow, it's so nice to meet you, man! I'm a huge fan of 'That 70's Show' and I wanted-" Tyler replied as he was soon cut off by Ashton Kutcher kicking him right in the nads. The painful kick made Tyler let out a scream of pain. O"HHHHHHHHWWWW! MY PRECIOUS NARDS!"

After Tyler was laying down right in the dust, Ashton spoke down to him.

"How dare you steal my name and my precious ass! I created 'Punk'd', for Demi's sake!" Ashton snapped at Tyler then looked right into the camera, "So allow me to introduce my new show 'Punch'd!', it's like Punk'd except ya get it RIGHT IN THE ASS!" And then he looked down at Tyler, "BUUUUUUUUUUUURN!"

Ashton then finally left the studio, which left Tyler a beaten down man.

"Now you know... Ashton Kutcher!"

"For the last time... IT'S FRICKNG TYYYYYYYLERRRR!" Tyler screamed painfully as he soon saw darkness.

"Like anyone cares!" The announcer shouted back as the camera began backing away from Tyler very slowly, "Hello? Tyler? Tyyyyyyy-lerrrr..."

The announcer kept trying to wake Tyler up, but to no avail. Tyler was knocked out like a broken streetlight.

"Hehe, I'm good..." The announcer smirked, closing the segment.

* * *

**Tyler just got knocked the f**k out by Kelso! Bonus!**

**Next will be a tricky one as it'll be B's turn! Until then read and review!**


	24. Chapter 24: B

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches. Cameo by CFO from Metalocalypse included.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 24: B  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as an overweight black genius with a backwards red hat, black jacket, teal shorts and an IQ strong as an ox had taken the hot seat. But he wasn't alone as a manager/executive from a certain death metal band was right by his side. The announcer noticed him firsthand. "Wait a minute, who are you?"

"I'm B's translator/communicator, Charles Foster Offdensen, manager of the band Dethklok. Just ignore me. I'll be busy communicating B's words to every insults you try to make at him." C.F.O. spoke right up to the announcer.

"This oughta be interesting. B... he lost his tongue in a knife fight."

B looked pretty annoyed. He then tried to make angry hand signals right at the announcer. C.F.O. understood him very well and spoke right up to the announcer.

"What's he saying? Does he wanna eat a butt for dinner so that when he finallu decides to say something, he farts out of his mouth instead?" The announcer teased at B harshly before C.F.O. shot back at him.

"You wish. B's saying that you're nothing but a poop-filled piece of piss that should go rot and die in a cave somewhere. That's what he said to you." C.F.O. said to the announcer as B let out a vengeful nod.

"Believe what you want, B. You know it ain't true..." The announcer spoke a bit tensely, lying right under his teeth. "B... His real name is Cleveland Brown Jr."

B then scowled at the announcer once again. C.F.O. soon understood him again with the angry hand signals that B had made to the announcer.

"B's saying that his real name is Beverly. Even though he isn't proud of having that name, he says it's at least better than Cleveland Brown Jr." C.F.O. replied to the announcer who once again decided to tease him. properly

"Sure... we'll go with that..." The announcer smirked, "With that tongue of his, how's he gonna feel a woman's woo-woo?"

"Sir, you're crossing the line against my client here." C.F.O. replied as he sees B looking really stark-raving mad, "He says if you keep this up against him, he'll have no choice but to take force."

"Oooooooh, somebody get my baba..." The announcer said with feigned terror as he continued on, "B... He has a very big fat ass."

B's anger suddenly grew monstrously as he happened to pull out a box of some kind.

"What's he doing? Packing his bags because he's nothing but a no-word gnat? Look at his cheeks, you can pop popcorn inside there and he'd be all bloated like the bag itself! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The announcer boasted out, laughing his ass off. But B wasn't.

B was busy building something, must notably something to kill the announcer once and for all. Something involving cut up garbage bids and a good ol' fashioned trashcan combined with stuff used to make good-old fashioned rocket launchers.

"What is- What is he doing?" The announcer said looking a bit alarmed as B kept on hammering.

"Something to blow your smarky ass off, B tells me." C.F.O. aid right to the announcer, "You may wanna leave now or else you'll end up donkey dust my friend..."

B was finally done with the finished product. It was a custom-made no-boundaries rocket launcher. By B having to lift it up, he knew deep down who the target was, and it wasn't very pretty.

"You wouldn't..." The announcer said, just begging not to be blown up by B's custom-made rocket launcher, but there was just no reasoning with him. It was goodbye for the announcer man.

"Oh, he will. And now you know B, Mr. Announcer Man. Now I must take my leave and let my new client do all the blowing up for you. Good day." C.F.O. said as he left the studio and B locked on his target. The announcer had no where to go, and yet nowhere to hide.

"OH, GOD! PLEASE NOOOO!" The announcer screamed shockingly as B smirked deviously launching the rocket all the way to the announcer's booth that was unseen. The K.Y.S. announcer then gets hit with the rocket which allowed his scream to cut off the feed to the segment, therefore ending it entirely. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAH!"

* * *

**B just blew that announcer dude right out of the sky.  
**

**Next up will be the almighty moonchild herself, Dawn! Read and review until then!**


	25. Chapter 25: Dawn

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches. Cameo by CFO from Metalocalypse included.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 25: Dawn  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer had echoed once again as an certain moonchild with green hoodie, purple stockings, and heavenly golden hair had taken the hot seat. He was floating on the air, indicating she was doing some meditating.

"I feel so blue. That's the aura of calm and coolness. So whatever you have to say to me. I can take it." Dawn said with such confidence. Little she didn't know she wouldn't have it for long.

"Dawn... She worships the Greek God of War, Hades."

"You have it all wrong, my child." Dawn said, still keeping that confident smile, "I worship mother Earth. There is no need to be caught up in the lies you make. I also happen to love the cute animals that nature takes care and nurture of 100%."

"She's full of hate and would also love fire." The announcer boasted once again, just to break Dawn.

"Hate is a word I will never associate with. You must be feeling red and orange altogether, an aura of hate and fire of which I have never seen before. I bet you were an only child made to get attention to those who hurt you..." Dawn replied as the announcer felt this was nothing but garbage, "And fire is bad for me. Good for cooking, bad for the forest."

"Yeah, right..." The announcer chuckled evilly at him, "Dawn... She skinned a puppy."

"That's horrible! I would never do that!" Dawn exclaimed with such fear and shock, but then took a few deep breaths to make the stress go away, "I see you're nothing but a heartless soul who only cares about hurting everyone's feelings with such hateful comments."

"You can't prove anything. Everyone likes me...!" The announcer said with such lying intention.

"I cringe to think of that thought..." Dawn said with such moodiness in her eyes, "And I even cringe of the thought of a puppy being skinned to death, which I never do! It's the truth and nothing but the truth. Like my aura. It's deep blue, meaning the power of truth. Unlike yours, which is a dark purple meaning that you lie deep down inside. Just admit it that this is your little-"

"Blah, blah, blah!" The announcer blared out, cutting off Dawn annoyingly, "Dawn, she defecates on kitties!"

"Okay, what on earth is wrong with you? Are you a sick freak all of a sudden?" Dawn exclaimed angrily as he finally touched the floor, "Because there's no way on Mother Nature's green earth that I would ever do that! I don't remember doing something disgusting like that all my life! This is just lies just made to destroy me!"

"Don't come any closer..." The announcer said in mock scaredness, "...you might crap on me! And you wouldn't want to be stinky just like the poop falling down on that cute little kitty..."

"That's f***ing it!" Dawn shouted out as he started to meditate aggressively. With the color of bright red and fire in her eyes, something bad was going to happen.

"Wait. What are you doing..." The announcer said as he felt something inside him bulge from the inside out. It started growing twice the size of a entire flat screen TV and huger than a king-size football itself.

And all of a sudden, something exploded inside the announcer.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The announcer screamed as his greatness was splattered over the studio. It was certainn that Dawn used some freaky weird meditation ritual that involved the Know Your Stars announcer's johnson to be blown up into little skinny bits, "YOU BLEW UP MY MAAANHOOOOD! WAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Now will you take those greedy little lies back now?" Dawn said as she got off the floor with her hands on her hips.

"Now you don't know... Dawn." The announcer whimpered in pain, "MEEEEDIC!"

"I think my job here is done." Dawn smiled right to herself as the camera backed far away from her just so that she may continue on with her meditating, not to mention humming a nice tune as the segment went off the air for the day.

* * *

**Ouch, I'm certain the announcer won't have any kids for a very long time...**

**Next up will be Harold! And yes, he'll be here for real in the next chapter. Read and review everyone! Woo woo woo, you know it!**


	26. Chapter 26: Harold

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 26: Harold  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a ubernerd with a nasally Napoleon Dynamite-like voice, a shirt which emblazoned a magic hamburger on it, green glasses and such auburn hair had taken the hot seat this time.

"Sweet! Time for everyone to experience my true greatness! GOSH!" Harold exclaimed feeling a whole lot pumped up.

"Harold McGrady V... His real name is Doris!"

"No, it isn't! Idiot!" Harold exclaimed. "Wait a minute... is that you Duncan? I know you're just disguising your voice just to irritate me! Well I, Harold Norbert Cheever McGrady V won't be affected by your nonsense any further! GOSH!"

"Oh, I'm not Duncan? You may think I'm him, but my voice is even sexier. Doris?" The announcer said right to Harold teasing him annoyingly.

"My name's not Doris and that's the way it is! And you're not even sexy! You sound like a frickin' retard! Idiot!" Harold exclaimed as he turned the other cheek.

"Harold 'Doris' McGrady V... He was raped by Duncan."

"I was so not raped by Duncan! I don't even like him to begin with!" Harold exclaimed in reacted complaint, "Last time, he put a plate of piping red hot ravioli and stuffed it in my underwear! Everyone kept calling me 'Poopy Bloody Undies'! It was embarrassing!"

"HAHAHAHA!" The announcer replied, "That's actually rape!"

"That was just a prank! It wasn't rape!" Harold exclaimed angrily to the announcer, "I'm telling you the truth! And besides, the idea of Duncan getting me from behind makes it too gay! I'm straight! GOSH!"

"Mm-hmm. Harold 'Doris' McGrady V... He watches 'Bob The Builder!'"

"I hate 'Bob The Builder'! That show is for little babies!" Harold said in anger as he crossed his arms aggressively, "You think I'm some weird nerdy toddler all of a sudden?"

"You are, you gay baby you..." The announcer said to him with some annoying baby talk of his own.

"I am no gay baby! I am a straight human being, damn it!" Harold complained as he shook his fist of anger right at the announcer, "Look, I like LeShawna! I like magic! I like beatboxing! But what gives you the right to think I'm some homoerotic baby? Idiot!"

"I'm not an idiot. I say it like it is!" The announcer said smirking at an already angry Harold.

"You won't say anything for so long when you find your jaw on the floor! Idiot!" Harold shouted angrily at him, but the announcer had it with him.

"Now you know, Harold McGrady V, a.k.a. The Gay Baby!" The announcer yelled happily.

"You don't know me, GOSH!" Harold yelled back at him.

"Yes they do... Doris." The announcer smirked as the camera backed away from Harold.

"I already frickin' told you, my name is Harold, not Doris!" Harold shouted at the announcer angrily, but the KYS guy was nowhere to be found. "You better bring that camera back down here! I ain't finished with you yet! I'm telling you, that underwear part was only full of Ravioli, not blood. It was only a prank Duncan pulled on me, and not gay rape! And there's absolutely no way that I ain't a gay baby! Hello? IDIOT!"

* * *

**Ouch, Harold got it really hard. No gay pun intended. **

**Next up will be the soul sista herself, LeShawna! Read and review until then, my broski's! BAZINGA!**


	27. Chapter 27: LeShawna

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 27: LeShawna  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed out once again as a ponytail, yet large build black woman with the finest rump there was ever to offer had taken the hot seat.

"That's right! LeShawna's in the house! Let's get this show right on the gravy train! Hi, LeShaniqua! I'll be back home soon!" LeShawna exclaimed as she waved right at the camera.

"LeShawna... She eats tires!"

"Heh, you kidding right?" LeShawna chuckled, thinking that it was a lie, "LeShawna can't eat anything too greasy or grim like a tire! I prefer food like tacos and burgers and hot dogs and stuff, but never tires before. Besides you can't even fit your whole entire mouth in one huge tire! That would be impossible! Besides, I ain't even hungry..."

"LeShawna... She got banged by a lead pipe!"

"That is so not true!" LeShawna exclaimed with shock as he lashed out at the announcer a little bit angrily, "Besides, I'm with Harold! And he's the only whiteboy can touch his hands all over this body!" LeShawna exclaimed once again as she shimmied her body by flaunting her tight curves. "Besides, I can't recall using any lead pipe whatsoever!"

And then all of a sudden, a lead pipe comes falling on top of the studio landing right on top of LeShawna's head. The clunk she felt was so unexpected.

"OWW!" LeShawna grunted in pain as she looked down at the lead pipe, in which she picked it up, "When the hell did this get here! Where did ya even find this?"

"I found it in your bedpost after night. Check it out. It even has a button on the top!" The announcer exclaimed as LeShawna had pressed the button on the lead pipe.

To LeShawna's utter shock and surprise, the lead pipe had seemed to vibrate on medium speed. However, the soul sista herself didn't seem to find this very amusing.

"What the hell? Since when does a lead pipe vibrate all of a sudden? Because there's no such thing as a vibrating lead pipe!" leShawna exclaimed as she was still reeling from the minor blow upside her head. "Did you get this from some perverted sex shop? Because I know damn well it ain't mine!"

"Yes it is!" The announcer exclaimed back to her in the most accusing way.

"No, it ain't!" LeShawna exclaimed right back.

"Yes, it is!" The announcer exclaimed once again.

"No, it ain't!" LeShawna exclaimed once again as the announcer just decided to move on with annoyed gratitude.

"LeShawna... In 10 seconds, she'll get hit by a tire far up above!"

"Oh, no you ain't! I know you ain't got the chimichangas to do that to a woman like me!" LeShawna shouted right at him forcely as she got up from her chair. "I swear if that little black donut you call a tire knocks me right between my head again, I'll take your big-ass metal pickle and shove it right beneath your brain! Would you like that."

"5...4...3...2...1..." The announcer replied as he counted down for some unknown reason.

"Why are ya countin' for?" LeShawna said, "You countin' the minutes you have left to live? Trust me, my fists intend to give you a beatdown, and I ain't waitin-"

Before LeShawna can say more trash to the announcer, she was cut off by a huge tire flying down from the rafters. The huge tire ends up knocking down LeShawna right on top of her head, rendering her unconscious.

"I warned yoooooo-oooouuu..." The announcer spoke to her as LeShawna narrowed her head right up to the sick freak.

"You sick motha-f**ka... I won't be silenced..." LeShawna muttered as she saw black for sure.

"Now you know, LeShawna, a.k.a. The Lead Pipe Lover!" The announcer as the camera scooted all the way back from an still unconscious LeShawna, "Hehehe... I'm good. I'm gonna go draw on her chocolicious boobs. Harold won't even know..."

**For shame, LeShawna, fooooooor shaaaaaaame...**

**Next up will be the all-too-crazy Izzy! This is gonna be a riptide next chapter, so don't forget to read and review everyone! WINNING!**


	28. Chapter 28: Izzy

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 28: Izzy  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a crazy carrot-colored haired lunatic with a green top and a green sheet covered through her green underwear had taken the hot seat this time.

"Ohmigosh! IloveKnowYourStars! It'swhenthispoorloserhastositin hisorherseatandtakenasty insultsfromtheannouncer! It'sprettyrancid. ButI'mheresoletsdoit!" Izzy said in such fast motion as the announcer went on.

"Izzy... she needs to be locked up in Arkham Asylum."

"Ohmygosh, Isodo! IwonderifIcanmeetTheJokeror HarleyQuinnorThePenguin! QUACKQUACKQUACKQUACK!" Izzy said a bit more goofily.

"Um, you're supposed to take it seriously, not like a joke! I'm supposed to say this stuff to you and you're supposed to lash out at me! It works just like that!"

"IwonderwhatMrFreeze'sfreezegunfeelslike, IwannabeapopsiclesoIcantaste myfruitygoodness!" Izzy exclaimed crazily once more.

"Izzy... She's got the mind of a serial killer!"

"Ohthat'sinsane. PeoplesayIgotthemindofa serialkiller, butIgotthemindof Einsteinhimself. HelookslikethehumanLoraxor something, becausethatshowIseehimthatwa y. AlbertLoraxEinstein! That'sanawesomethought!" Izzy exclaimed once again as the announcer started to hesistate once again.

"Why would you think that's awesome! You;re supposed to rebel against what I say. I say that you have the mind of a serial killer and yet you accept like it's a joke! BE SERIOUS, IZZ! YOU'RE KILLING ME AND MY BALLS HERE!" The announcer exclaimed, reacting like he's having a weird panic attack, "BE FRICKIN' SERIOUS!"

"OfcourseAlbertLoraxEinsteinw asserious!" Izzy said right to the announcer sternly, "Hehadthebrainthesizeoftwopor nfloozies, whatdoyouthinkwherehisdirtym indcomesfrom? Hecouldscorerealeasily!"

"Izzy... Likes bloody tampons!"

"Ewwwwwwww! Bloodytamponsareneverthatgoo d. Wellthey'resometimesgoodifyoucanfeed themtoyourpets! Makestheirbonesgoodandstrong fortheenvironment!" Izzy exclaimed crazily once more as the Announcer started to lose it entirely.

"WHAT?" The announcer shouted/yelled as he blew up in Izzy's face. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO THINK IT'S DISGUSTING! BLOODY TAMPONS IS DISGUSTING! WHY CAN'T YOU FOR ONCE BE F***ING SERIOUS FOR A MINUTE?"

"Iwantsomebloodytampons! I'llgoseeifPetsMarthasthem! Makethemagoodchewtoy!" Izzy exclaimed happily and yet crazily once more before the announcer just gave up on her entirely.

"Now you know... Izzy. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go fall off a cliff now..." The announcer said in a sad tone as the camera slowly backed away from Izzy.

"Hey, comeback!" Izzy exclaimed for the last time as the camera kept backing away from her. "I'mdoneyet! YouwannahearaboutthetimeIsen tmystrappedLewistoashoppingc artandIsenthimrollingallthe waydowntoahillandhecrashed intoadaycarecenter, manthosebabieswere crippledthanbrokenbonesina bullrunning competition. Manaretheygonnasquirt! Hello? Youthere? Ahwhoneedsya? I'mgonnagorunbulls! WHA-HAAA!"

* * *

**Just in case if anyone's wondering why Izzy's like that. It's because Izzy was on a huge sugar rush coming here.**

**Next up will be guitar virtuoso Trent! Until then, read and review! WINNING!**


	29. Chapter 29: Trent

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 29: Trent  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer had echoed once again as a jet-black haired guitarist with a yellow-green shirt with a handprint labeled on it. And not to mention a very mysterious appearance took the hot seat this time.

"Wow... this is interesting." Trent said in response to this segment that they were doing to him, "I hope you do me some good. I'm expected of it."

"Trent... He's the lead guitarist for AC/DC."

"Um, I'm certain that's Angus Young." Trent exclaimed, trying to correct the announcer, "You see, I'm not the lead guitarist of that group. I can respect that they have great music and such loyal fans, but dude, why are you mistaking me for a small schoolboy with shorts that can stick to his balls? It's like you mistake Geoff for David Lee Roth, or Bret Michaels or something!"

"Can my son have your autograph?" The announcer said, just trying to fume Trent's anger all the way up.

"Why don't I autograph your ass instead? That way, I can use a knife instead of a pen?" Trent shot back to the announcer angrily, "You would like a bloody ass wouldn't you?"

"Nope. Trent... He used to love Courtney."

"I didn't love Courtney back then!" Trent exclaimed with his eyes bulging, "My first love was Gwen! She's artistic, funny, and down to earth. Three of those things you would never be. You're just plain sinister, evil, and just damn sick."

"Awwww, thank you!" The announcer said, just blushing at Trent.

"I didn't say it as a compliment, slapnuts." Trent lashed out at him again with anger in his face, "I said that to you because I hate you and your balls."

"That makes me love you more!" The announcer exclaimed happily.

"Okay, are you an announcer or some sort of perverted gay stalker?" Trent spoke to him again with his eyebrow raised.

"Trent... He eats wet diapers for dinner!"

"I DO NOT EAT DIAPERS, OKAY?" Trent shouted in such panic, "Besides, eating stuff like that is just gross, okay? Thinking stuff like that makes my stomach weak. I don't wanna relive that again! I'm telling you, people aren't gonna buy this stuff, okay? Because I know all this stuff is fake and false! I'm telling you, it's highway robbery! Hello?"

"Now you know... Trent!"

"NO, YOU DON'T!" Trent shouted right at the announcer again.

"Yes, they do!" The announcer smirked happily as the camera began to back away from him slowly.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going? Come back here!" Trent exclaimed trying to stop the camera from backing away from him, "I'm not finished with you, pal! I will find out where you live! And I'm not from AC/DC, okay. I'd look lame with what Angus Young is wearing! I'm no schoolboy! It's weird! And wet diapers is just so gross! I'm not eating anything that comes from a baby's urinary tract! Hello? You there? This ain't over yet between you and me! I swear of this!"

* * *

**Trent definitely won't be the same after this one... LOL**

**Next up will be our resident goth girl, Gwen! Until then, read and review! WINNING!**


	30. Chapter 30: Gwen

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 30: Gwen  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a certain goth girl with blue green streaks, dressed head to toe in black, and had an artistic mind took the hot seat this time around.

"Ohh, great. This is all that I need..." Gwen sighed depressively and angrily as the announcer went right on with his insulting lies, "Get on with it, will you!"

"Gwen... his first boyfriend was Neil Patrick Harris."

"Uh, no it isn't." Gwen said as she sternly corrected him, "It was actually Trent. He was nice and caring and could play the guitar really well. He was pretty decent until he just went crazy insane, and in fact that I had no choice but to break up with him. But now I'm with Duncan. And besides, Neil Patrick Harris is gay, just to let you know on the fact."

"Gwen... Likes Ponies."

"Urrrgh! I hate ponies!" Gwen shouted angrily right at the announcer, "Ponies are the only thing that isn't dark and scary! I prefer dark and scary things like monster movies and goth rock music and all of that goth lifestyle that I live! But come on, everyone watching this is all gonna think I'm girly!"

"But you are a girl..." The announcer replied to her gently.

"Yeah, but not that kind of girl!" Gwen exclaimed madly, "I'm a goth girl. Not a girl who loves that cute, pinky crap! Ask my friend LeShawna!"

"Gwen... hides lesbian porn DVD's in her closet!"

"I DO NOT!" Gwen exclaimed and shouted angrily as she lashed out at the announcer, "I'M NOT SOME KIND OF LESBIAN WHORE, OKAY? I I'M INTO GUYS! YOU KNOW, PEOPLE LIKE TRENT AND DUNCAN! BESIDES, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE NO PROOF THAT I'M INTO GIRLS! POSITIVE!"

"Really? If you say that you're not into girls, then what do I have here in my hand?" The announcer smirked as Gwen narrowed her eyes and couldn't believe what she saw.

It was a DVD that had Gwen's face on the cover and that it was pasted into a hot female pornstar's body, which was covered by two other hot female pornstars as they are touching the body all over in a really perverted sexual way. The title on the front happened to be "Gwen: Dark and Dumb".

"I'm on a porn DVD?" Gwen said reacting to the DVD cover.

"You like?" The announcer said, trying to give out Gwen's opinion.

"No I don't like! You pasted my face on a hot body! Not that I already have a hot body in my opinion, but not that kind of body being groped and touched on by those cocaine-snorting sluts! I'm telling you that I'm straight! 100% over the top straight!" Gwen exclaimed forcely, "And besides, I know damn well you photoshopped it!"

"No, I didn't!" The announcer exclaimed right back.

"Yes, you did!" Gwen shouted right at him again.

"Uhh..." The announcer thought as Gwen was still boiling angry, so the only thing he had to do was to close out the segment immediately, "Now you know... Gwen!"

"ARRRRRRGH! NO, YOU DON'T!" Gwen shouted angrily right at the announcer as the camera was backing away from her slowly, "HEY! YOU GET BACK HERE! COME BACK! I'M TELLING YOU, ALL OF THIS IS FALSE! YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE THINK I'M A LESBIAN, WHICH I AM 100% NOT! AND PONIES ARE LAME! ALL THEY DO IS CRAP LIKE KIDNEY STONES! I TELL YOU, WHEN I FIND YOU, I'M GONNA RIP OUT YOUR DAMN HEART AND SMASH IT WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER! I'M NOT KIDDING! I WILL DO IT, EVEN IF IT'S BREAKING THE LAW! THIS AIN'T OVER BETWEEN YOU AND ME!"

* * *

**The announcer better run as fast as he can, because he probably won't run very far from where Gwen's concerned...**

**Up next will be the devious red-head Scott! Read and review until then! WINNING!**


	31. Chapter 31: Scott

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 31: Scott  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer once again echoed as a snarky sarcastic human being with pale skin, freckles and ginger hair who was busy carving something made out of wood had taken the hot seat this time.

"This better be good..." Scott said to the announcer, minding his own business, "Just get on with the crap and let me out of here fast..."

"Scott... he likes Dawn!"

"Heh, you kidding right...?" Scott chuckled into thinking that the announcer didn't make any sense, "I do not love Dawn, okay? She always grumbles on about that free love hoo-hah and that love about nature dog-crap, that hot freestyle hippie bitch..."

Somehow, the announcer then sees Scott blush in an unknown fashion.

"Are you actually blushing?" The announcer spoke to him in a teasing fashion.

"That's nothing of your concern!" Scott said as he was trying to take the blush off and trying to change the subject. "Can we just move on, already?"

"Fine. Geesh..." The announcer replied in a scorn as he began to move on, "Scott... he wants to give it hard to Dawn."

"I do not!" Scott exclaimed as he felt the pressure come right inside him, "I don't wanna have sex with that fatass unicorn of a woman! Sure, I think Dawn is cute and very sweet in a fairy kind of way, but you don't have no proof of me and Dawn ever having sex!"

And then out of nowhere, a piece of purple thong comes shooting at Scott right in the face. It was like a speeding car crashing right into a brick wall.

"Ack!" said Scott as he felt the force of the weird purple panties, "What in the hell is this?"

"That's Dawn's panties from last night. That was some good work that you did to her!" The announcer smirked evilly at the stunned ginger-haired troublemaker.

"I'm telling you, I did not have sex with her!" Scott exclaimed madly, "Besides as far as I'm concerned, I happen to think you stole these right when Dawn wasn't looking! You can't blame this panty-stealing crap right on me! I'm pure just like my pappy!"

"Scott... he and Dawn, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" The announcer spoke in a very sing-songy manner.

"I'm telling you... IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Scott yelled right to the announcer in a very pissed-off manner, "ME AND DAWN NEVER KISSED, OKAY? YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE THIS STUFF UP TO MAKE ME LOOK LAME!"

"You are lame!" The announcer smiled at him happily.

"I AM NOT! HONESTLY!" Scott yelled at him once again before the announcer decided to close out on him in insult.

"Now you know... Scott the Lame!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" Scott yelled angrily right to the announcer again.

"Yes, I do..." The announcer smirked as the camera began to back away from Scott entirely.

"I'M TELLING YOU, THEY DON'T KNOW ME!" Scott yelled at the announcer again, "AND I DO NOT LIKE DAWN! THAT STUFF IS SECRET! I'M TELLING YOU ONCE AGAIN, YOU STOLE THESE PANTIES, NOT ME! AND JUST FOR THE RECORD, ME AND DAWN NEVER DID THE DEED! WHAT ARE YA, A PRIZE-WINNING PANTY SNIFFER! IF YOU'RE HEARING THIS, YOU GONNA BE SNIFFING YOUR OWN ASS WHEN I FIND YOU! HELLO?"**  
**

* * *

**Who can picture Scott and Dawn in a position like this? I know I would!  
**

**Next chapter will be our favorite underdog, Cody! Until then, read and review, broski's! Woo woo woo, you know it!  
**


	32. Chapter 32: Cody

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 32: Cody  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a skinny geek with a gap tooth, such boyish brown hair and a green-and-red striped light yellow long-sleeved shirt took his seat this time.

"Woooooo! It's about time a cool guy like me finally gets the recognition he deserves." Cody said right to the camera looking very confident. But he wouldn't be confident for so long.

"Cody Anderson... His full name is Cody Emmitt Smith Jenna Jameson Anderson."

"Ummmmm, I'm certain you got it all wrong, my friend..." Cody chuckled, thinking it was some kind of joke. "My full name is Cody Emmett Jameson Anderson. I mean, you're mixing me up with a football hall-of-famer and a frickin' porn star. I mean, come on... Although it would be interesting to be both at the same time. But I rather not do one of them. I'm pure, 100 percent."

"Cody Emmitt Smith Jenna Jameson Anderson..." The announcer said until Cody cut him off.

"I'm Cody Anderson!" Cody exclaimed to the announcer, just correcting him politely.

"Fine, whatever.." The announcer groaned as he continued on with such sarcasm, "Cody Anderson... He's best known as Lloyd Christmas from 'Dumb & Dumber'!"

"Uh, you do realize that was Jim Carrey, right?" Cody to the announcer with his eyebrow raised, "Besides, I wasn't even old enough when Dumb & Dumber came out. I think I was about 2 or 3 back then."

"But you aged pretty well for a 3-year old..." The announcer teased him nicely.

"I was only a baby, you idiot!" Cody exclaimed sternly, "Look, I'm telling you, that was Jim Carrey and not me! You think I age just like Benjamin Button or something! I age like the rest of you! Young to old, not old to young. Are you that retarded?"

"Maybe..." The announcer replied in a sing songy way. "Harry Anderson..."

"I'M CODY ANDERSON! GET IT RIGHT!" Cody yelled angrily at the announcer.

"Yeah, right..." The announcer said in a worn-out expression as Cody looked very offended, "Cody Anderson... His face looks like he got his ass beat by hockey players!"

"Hey, it's not what you think, pal!" Cody said, just lashing out at the announcer once again, "I was born with a gap on my teeth. I didn't lose it by getting my teeth bloodied up by meaty-looking guys in snow skates! I'm telling you the truth, I was born this way!"

"Looks like you're on the right track, Colby."

"I'm Cody!" Cody exclaimed one again to the announcer, "CODY!"

"Now you know... Cody Emmitt Smith Jenna Jameson Joey Harry Anderson!"

"IT'S FRIGGIN' CODY ANDERSON!" Cody shouted at the announcer angrily, "GET IT FRICKIN' RIGHT, G**DAMN IT!"

"No, it's not..." The announcer smirked at him as the camera began to back away from the geek.

"YES, IT IS!" Cody shouted once again as he was just exploding like a rocket, shattering debris all over, "I'M TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST RETARDED TIME, IT'S CODY EMMETT JAMESON ANDERSON! ASK MY PARENTS, THEY'LL TELL YOU THAT'S MY REAL NAME! I EVEN GOT A FRICKIN' BIRTH CERTIFICATE TO PROVE THE FACTS, YA DIRT-EATER! AND MY FACE IS HANDSOME AND CHARMING! MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR LYING ASS IS, MY FRIEND! CAN YOU FRICKING HEAR ME? HELLO?"

* * *

**Leave it to the announcer to be a lot more stupid than Lindsay to forget Cody's name like that...**

**Next chapter, we dish some dirt on Sierra! Until then, read and review! BAZINGA!**


	33. Chapter 33: Sierra

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 33: Sierra  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer had echoed once again as a purple-headed, ponytailed chick with a yellow top and a serious obsession with a certain skinny brown-haired geek had took the hot seat this time.

"Ooooh, I love Know Your Stars! I hope you know a lot about me and my love for Cody too! I would seriously love that!" Sierra exclaimed as she gushed very madly.

"Sierra... She's obsessed with crack!"

"Nah, I'm not a crack-addict. I'm addicted to Cody! It's my one and only obsession and nothing else! And nothing can take that away from me!" Sierra exclaimed in Cody's defense. "Loving my one and only Cody is like my version of crack. One sniff of his cologne will get you hooked instantly. And I love to get hooked!"

"Sierra... She has restringing orders from ten, make that eleven of the Revenge OF The Island contestants!"

"Ohh, that's just insane! I wanted to let you know that I have had the chance to interview them all!" Sierra exclaimed just trying to make that statement the announcer made at her false.

"Ohhh, in 'interview', you mean you stole Anne Maria's hairspray, Lightning's necklace and Sam's PS3?" The announcer said to her in a suspicious mood.

"Whoa, I never stole any of those stuff! I was just borrowing them. I borrowed Anne Maria's hairspray because I was out, I borrowed Lightning's necklace just to clean out the rust, and I was moving Sam's Playstation 3 because his room had to be renovated. I oughta know since I was in his house. He asked me to move all of his stuff. There's no way that I stole!"

"Mm-hmm..." The announcer muttered thinking that what Sierra said wasn't true, "Sierra... she stars in a self-pleasuring video!"

"Ohh, that is so false!" Sierra exclaimed angrily, "I do not star in a self-pleasuring video! I will only do one for Cody, but there's no way I will never star in one where people can gawk at my body. Only Cody can gawk at my body and nothing else! She treats my body and g-spots as a wonderland! Positive!"

"Why would you tell us that?" The announcer chuckled at her.

"Because I would so do that for Cody only. I want his silky baby inside me!" Sierra exclaimed in anger and defense once again.

"Now you know... Sierra!"

"Oh, you think you know me, pal?" Sierra said, standing up from her chair as the camera began to back away from her, "Because, you sure as heck don't! I have never been a stealer, nor will I put my whole body in a self-pleasuring video. I will only do it for Cody and nothing else, I keep telling you! You will never ever split my affection for Cody, no matter how bad you insult me! We are inseparable! Only my love for him will keep me alive! Your little comments won't let me down one bit! HA HA!"

* * *

**I love to see Cody's face when he sees that video in the internet. It would be priceless!**

**Up next will be the rage-a-holic herself, Eva! Until then, read and review, science bitches!**


	34. Chapter 34: Eva

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches. Warning  
**

* * *

**Chapter 34: Eva  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer had echoed once again as a certain female rage-a-holic with a strong physique, famous unibrow and an anger strong as the heavens itself took the hot seat. Not to mention, she was biding her time lifting arm weights.

"Make it fast with your crap. Don't keep me waiting forever." Eva said to the announcer just scowling at him.

"Eva... she's the reason the Titanic sunk. She punched the bottom of it!"

"Yeah, right!" Eva scoffed in defense, "I wasn't even born yet! And besides, the titanic was destroyed by a damn iceberg! Have you ever seen the movie 'Titanic'? It was destroyed by an iceberg! It's the truth and nothing but the truth. Enough said."

"Eva... she ain't got no alibi, she ugly! Uh uh, she ugly!"

"Hey, I am so not ugly!" Eva exclaimed madly, "I am beautiful! Make it Salma Hayek beautiful! Sure, you may think I look like a man, but I am attractive on the outside as much as I am on the inside, damn it! I'm 100% woman. Heck, I even have a strong hot body that I use for fitness magazines and sports magazines! I'm telling you, I'm built to kill as what I'm gonna show you in a minute!"

"Do you also do porno magazines?"

"No! Why in the heck do I wanna do that smut?" Eva yelled at him fiercely as she crossed her arms tightly, "I tell you, I only do fitness and sports magazines, not Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Juggs, or any of that garbage! I am no slut!"

"Eva... she's a shemale pornstar!"

"I'M NOT A SHE-MALE PORNSTAR!" Eva exclaimed angrily as her temper was starting to boil over, "I'M A F***ING WOMAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I ALREADY F***ING TOLD YOU THAT!"

"That's not true, check this out..." The announcer smirked as a clip from a she-male website started to post on the screen where Eva could see it.

It was posted on a some sort of futanari website where it showed a shemale just jerking the gherkin until she was gonna spray like a fountain. Worst of all, a picture of Eva's face was planted on the shemale's head where she was making weird sex-faces, America's Funniest Home Video's-style. Eva was definitely about to lose it now.

"RAAAAAAAGH!" Eva shouted and screamed angrily as she ended up destroying the clip altogether. She was now out for the announcer's blood, "WHERE ARE YOU! SHOW YOUR FACE!"

"WHY DON'T I POKE YOU UNTIL YOU BLEED?" Eva said out loud to the announcer, whom she found very far away in a dark place, "THERE YOU ARE! COME HERE SO I CAN RIP YOUR BALLS OUT ALIVE!"

"Now you know Eva..." The announcer blurted out quickly as he saw Eva running at him like a angry testerone-infested bull, "HEEEEEELLLLLLP MEEEEEEEE!"

"NOBODY AIN'T HELPING YOU FROM GETTING YOUR SORRY ASS SKINNED ALIVE!" Eva shouted as she knocked down the camera, who was trying to catch the chase between Eva and the announcer, "YOU'RE GONNA LOOK SO HAPPY WHEN YOU SEE YOUR SKIN AS A RUG IN MY HOUSE!"

"DEAR LORD, HAVE MERCY!" The announcer screamed as there was a ripping sound made off-screen, most notably coming from the announcer himself, "WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

His earth-shaking scream caused the camera to go static, therefore ending the segment painfully.

* * *

**Yeesh, I probably might not wanna know what Eva did to the announcer. It gets a little too gruesome and violent from here...**

**Next up will be the sweet girl herself, Katie! Until then, read and review! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**


	35. Chapter 35: Katie

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches. Warning  
**

* * *

**Chapter 35: Katie  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed out again as a pig tailed hottie with a black-and-white top, hot pants that was colored in pink, and an annoying squeal that she possessed had taken the spotlight. The only surprise was, it was the slim and sexy BFF known as Katie.

"Oh, my gosh! This so rocks to be on Know Your Stars! I hope Sadie is watching! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Katie squealed happily as the announcer went on with the facts.

"Katie... her best friend is a starfish!"

"Hehe... you're joking, right?" Katie giggled, thinking it was funny, "My best friend is actually Sadie. We've been unseparable forever. Well, maybe once, but that's a very long memory now. Besides, you're referring to Patrick Star from SpongeBob SquarePants. How can I be with a starfish if they're underwater? I might drown, for gosh sakes!"

"I don't care." The announcer replied as he went on with more facts, "Katie... she dresses like a slut!"

"That is false, okay? I do not dress like a slut!" Katie exclaimed in defense. "I know you may see me like this, but it's totally different, I'm telling you!"

"Really, if you say that you don't dress like a slut, then how come that outfit that you wear say it well?" The announcer smirked evilly at her.

"I dress like this just to impress, not to sell my body like a piece of dried meat! It's the honest truth. Besides, Heather dresses like a slut. Why don't you do some facts about her instead?"

"I already did Heather, slut." The Announcer replied with a smirk. This was already upsetting Katie as it was.

"I'm telling you for standards, I'm not a slut!" Katie exclaimed, almost feeling anger inside her.

"Katie... strip for me!"

"Uh, no? That's disgusting, even for me!" Katie exclaimed feeling a little grossed out, "I already told you I'm not a slut, and yet you wanna make me act like a stripper!"

And then out of nowhere, a pile of 1 dollar bills come flying down into Katie's entire body. She is stunned and shocked by this sudden money-raining occurrence.

"Where in the hell did these come from?" Katie said as she picked up several of the 1 dollar bills in shock.

"Now will you strip for me?" The announcer pleaded with a smirk.

"I'm not gonna strip for you! I'm telling you for the last time, I will never be a slut! I only dress like this to impress the boys!" Katie cried back to him in desperation, "Hello?"

"Now you know... Katie!" The announcer said with a smile.

"No, you don't!" Katie exclaimed in defense.

"Yes, they do..." The announcer spoke back to her in teasing form, and then changed his tone to a sing-songy manner, "Sllllllluuuuut..."

"I'm telling you, I'm not a slut! I've already told you that for the billionth time!" Katie shouted angrily to the announcer and right to the camera, who was already backing away from her, "And I was never friends with a fat, chubby starfish! All they do is eat, burp, fart, and have an IQ like Lindsay! My best friend will always be Sadie, and nothing but Sadie until the day I die! Can you even hear me? HELLO?"

* * *

**Yeesh, I think the outfit Katie wears does say it best...**

**Next chapter, we''ll dish out dirt on her other BFF, Sadie! Until then, read and review! BAZINGA!**


	36. Chapter 36: Sadie

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 36: Sadie**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer had echoed again as a chubby, big-boned gal with the same black pigtails, black-and-white top, same hot pink pants, and the same annoying squeal that she possessed had now taken the hot seat. But this time, it was the other BFF, Sadie.

"It is sooo good to the here! I wish Katie would be here with me! That would so so rock! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sadie squealed happily like a mouse as the announcer began to go with the facts.

"Sadie... NASA satellites orbit around her."

"Uh... I'm pretty sure that isn't true. The only thing that orbits around me is my best female friend for life, Katie! She always sticks right by me, no matter what kind of problems lie ahead! I mean, we've been separable forever, and we'll remain like that for a long time! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Sadie... she uses a mattress for a tampon."

"EWWWWW! NO, I DON'T!" Sadie said in such shock as she was grossed out by the image, "I really use a regular tampon! Are you that sick?"

"Yes I am!" The announcer exclaimed with a laugh.

"Well, quit being sick! Stuff like that is gonna make me puke! Seriously!" Sadie said as she was already cringing in her stomach.

"Sadie... she was once stopped at the airport for having 200 pounds of crack!"

"That is so not true!" Sadie cried and complained, "I was never stopped at the airport for anything. And there was never any proof of me carrying any kind of drugs with me!"

"Who said I was talking about drugs?" The announcer smirked evilly at her as Sadie finally knew what those jokes who he was referring to.

"Wait a minute? Are you calling me fat?" Sadie said out to the announcer with her voice looking a lot stern and her hands on her hips, "Because I like to say in defense that I am not fat! I'm just big-boned! Just like Rosie O'Donnell or Queen Latifah is! I'm proud of my big bones, no matter how hard your insults affect me! We as big-boned people should be taken seriously and not to be looked at as tubs of potato lard!"

"Now you know, Sadie!"

"You don't know me!" Sadie exclaimed in defense.

"Yes, they do! MOOOOOOO!" The announcer exclaimed happily as he sounded off on her like a cow.

"Hey, I am not a cow! I don't have udders in me, you goof!" Sadie shouted angrily to the announcer as the camera began to back away from her. "Wait a minute, where are you going? Come back here! I'm not done with you! I'm telling you honestly that I never carried crack with me, and there's possibly no way that satellites would orbit around me! I'm telling you, you're discriminating the big boned! Are you even listening to me for once? Hello?"**  
**

* * *

**Sadie ain't fat okay? She's just big-boned, just like Eric Cartman from South Park! I bet they'll understand!  
**

**Next up will be Mr. Coconut and not Ezekiel! Haha, burn! Read and review until then! WINNING!  
**


	37. Chapter 37: Mr Coconut

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 37: Mr. Coconut  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed once again as a coconut with eyes and a carved mouth, not to mention messy green hair had taken the hot seat. Most weirdly, it happened to be Mr. Coconut.

"Mr. Coconut... he's Owen's gay lover!"

No response from Mr. Coconut, but strangely, just like a ghost controlling him, Mr. Coconut shook his head no.

"Mr. Coconut... his hair is made out of Marijuana!"

Mr. Coconut shook his head no at this statement coming from the announcer again.

"Mr. Coconut... his shell was made from dried skin shavings!"

Mr. Coconut once again shook his head no.

"Mr. Coconut... the best Total Drama competitor of all time!"

And finally, Mr. Coconut had nodded his head yes. At least the announcer got one fact right about him.

"And now you know... Mr. Coconut!" The announcer exclaimed proudly as Mr. Coconut looked at him real angrily. And then Mr. Coconut focused right at the camera backing away from him with a smile and a nod. "Yes. Nod Mr. Coconut. Noooooood..."**  
**

* * *

**Wow, that was much more weirder than the Know Your Stars segment made about Pickle Boy. If you don't know what this chapter was referenced to, check this out: watch?v=eIHDC1MaRrg, and stop at 7:18. You'll see what I mean.  
**

**Next up will finally be Ezekiel! Will it be the last time? Find out right after you read and review! Woo woo woo, you know it!  
**


	38. Chapter 38: Ezekiel

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 38: Ezekiel  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer had echoed out again as a certain homeschooler with a teal toque, a green hoodie and a pretty impressive Canadian accent had taken the hot seat.

"Uh, hello...? Who's there?" Ezekiel said as the announcer's voice caught him by surprise. "I'm sure whoever this is, please take it easy on me..."

"Ezekiel... he- hold on. What? Ohh, good one, Harold! That is rich!"

"Um... what's going on there?" Ezekiel said right to the announcer.

"Oh, right. Ezekiel... uh, just a sec. Bridgette, this queso dip is delicious!"

"Are you having a party up there, eh?" Ezekiel replied again in a assuring tone.

"Oh, it's nothing. It's just me and a few friends. Hey, Justin, Heather, just put those jackets anywhere!" The announcer said off-screen once again.

"Uh, we're doing Know Your Stars. Can't you least focus about me for a second, eh?" Ezekiel replied once again.

"Ohhhhh..." The announcer groaned sarcastingly, "Ezekiel... he- Jacuzzi's warming out there, Geoff! Hope you brought your swimsuit!"

"Hey! You're supposed to be telling them about me, eh?" Ezekiel exclaimed sternly to the snarky announcer.

"I just told them you like Jacuzzi's!" The announcer exclaimed back to the homeschooler.

"You were talking to Geoff!" Ezekiel exclaimed again, and then his look comes to realization of what the announcer was really doing. "Wait a minute, am I the only cast member of Total Drama that wasn't invited to this party?"

"Uhh... uhhhhhh..." The announcer stuttered before he decided to lie under his teeth. "Ezekiel... ehhh, this is awkward..."

Ezekiel just remained speechless because of this occurence.

"I can't believe this..." Ezekiel replied out of sudden jealousy, "I mean, why wouldn't Harold tell me about the party, eh?"

"Tell you about what?" Harold's voice said right out of nowhere. Ezekiel then sees the ubernerd right behind him.

"Harold, what are you doing here, eh? Shouldn't you be at the party?" Ezekiel said to him with an eyebrow raised.

"What party?" Harold said to him, indicating that he didn't know anything about a party. Ezekiel looks shocked at first and then started to snap at a certain announcer's face.

"YOU WEREN'T HAVING A PARTY?" Ezekiel shouted up to the announcer.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gotcha!" The announcer laughed and joked right in Ezekiel's face, "And now you know... Ezekiel!"

"THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME, EH?" Ezekiel shouted angrily at the announcer again. "All I know is that you're dumb and throw fake parties!"

"Fake parties that you're not even invited to. Homeschool!" The announcer teased him to his amusement.

"THAT DON'T EVEN MAKE SENSE, EH?" Ezekiel angrily lashed out at him, before he had finally enough of the announcer's crap. "I'M OUTTA HERE!"

With the rage of an angry Canuck, Ezekiel left the studio with his feet stomping harshly.

Harold then looked all around for anyone who would step in. Luckily for the uber-nerd, no one was in sight. So it was Harold's turn to take the hot seat again. The announcer saw this and decided to lend out the facts to him.

"Harold McGrady V... get out."

Hearing this, Harold started to feel sad. With his head held down, he got up his seat and left the set looking very pale-faced as the camera backed away from Harold. The announcer then started to laugh incoherently to his face.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, I love me!" The announcer laughed once again, "HAHAHAHA!"

* * *

**Someone's looking for an ass-kicking for sure by the way he fooled Ezekiel.**

**Next chapter will be the tough man himself, Chef Hatchet! Until then, read and review!**


	39. Chapter 39: Chef Hatchet

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 39: Chef Hatchet**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a large yet strong African-Canadian muscleman with a chef's hat, a bucktooth, a wonky chin, and a tough Mr.T-like accent had now taken the hot seat.

"You betta' make this worth my time!" Chef Hatchet exclaimed as he crossed his arms. He didn't feel too happy to be here as a matter of fact.

"Chef Hatchet... he loves kids!"

"No no no, I hate kids!" Chef Hatchet replied angrily. "All they do is pick tha noses and poop in their pants! Buncha crybabies! You see I had to deal with back at the island? I ain't going back there and I ain't plan on going to that crummy island anyway, where I can feed the 24 mouths I can feed until my arms die! So don't mention ta me about kids ever again, fool!"

"Chef Hatchet... he's a pedophile!"

"Wait, what? I ain't no pedophile!" Chef Hatchet said in a shocked expression, "You're just lyin' out of yo teeth! Besides, ya don't have any proof of me being a pedophile!"

"Really, well then... what's this?" The announcer teased as he played a clip of some kind.

The clip that Chef Hatchet was seeing happened to be him squeezing Owen's fat butt when the fatboy himself got lodged in one of the rocket windows and Chef Hatchet started to put him on the butt, thinking it was either a pillow or some type of airbag.

"C'Mon, I know that is false! What happened was an accident, fool! I didn't even know that was an ass!" Chef exclaimed angrily. "I'm tellijng you once again, I ain't no pedo!"

"Fine. We'll believe you..." The announcer smirked with fake compassion.

"Where you gettin' at?" Chef hatchet replied to the announcer with his eyebrow raised.

"Nothing. Chef Hatchet... He spanks his monkey to pics of little boys!"

"I do not, fool!" Chef Hatchet shouted angrily, "I'm telling you, I ain't no pedophile! You just makin' stuff up just to make me look crappy and gay!"

"And I do a pretty good job of it too..." The announcer smirked evilly as Chef stood up in his chair in a rage-filled manner. "Whoa, easy there. You don't wanna squirt all over the place, don't you?

"Dude, who the hell are ya? Are you just some gay kid-loving creep? If I happen to find you, I'll shove that big wheel right through your ass so bad, my foot would be crashing right into it like a brick wall! Can ya hear me!" Chef Hatchet said, pointing at the announcer in a threatening tone.

"Now you know... Chef Hatchet. Good luck finding me..." The announcer smirked as the camera backed away from Hatchet slowly.

"You sure as hell don't know me!" Chef Hatchet threated him once again, "And I am gonna find ya, ya kid-lover! No one calls me a pedophile and gets away with i! Ya hear me! You better run, cause you sure as hell ain't hiding when I chop ya up like meat, pal! No one talks down to Hatchet like that and lives to tell about it, sucka! HELLO?"**  
**

* * *

**Something tells me we're this close to seeing the announcer dead at the end of this story...  
**

**Next up will be Mildred-oh, sorry, I mean't to say Blaineley! Until then, read and review! WOOOOOOOOOO!  
**


	40. Chapter 40: Blaineley

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 40: Blaineley  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer said, echoing out once again as a beautiful glamorous blonde with a sparking red dress, red earrings and red ruby lipstick had now taken the hot seat.

"It's such a pleasure for you to interview me. I hope you'll do me some good." Blaineley said as she smiled right at the announcer.

"Mildred O'Halloran-"

"Um, that's Blaineley O'Halloran, not Mildred." Blaineley spoke up to the announcer, correcting her name.

"Like anyone gives a damn..." The announcer scoffed at her on purpose, "Mildred O'Halloran... she thinks her name is Blaineley."

"But Blaineley is my real name! I'm Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran! That's all there is to it and nothing else! Plus, you may remember me from the show 'Celebrity Manhunt'?" Blaineley added in as she reminded the announcer.

"Doesn't ring a bell." The announcer responded back to her.

"What? I'm certain you've seen it before! I'm on it all the time!" Blaineley exclaimed sternly at the announcer, who was a little clueless.

"I still don't get it." The announcer replied through nonsense, "Mildred Blaineley O'Halloran-"

"It's Blaineley O'Halloran!" Blaineley exclaimed angrily to the announcer, just cutting him off.

"Like I care. Mildred Blaineley O'Halloran... has had sex with Chris McLean 50 times!"

"I have not!" Blaineley cried out angrily, "Besides, I don't even like Chris to begin with! We never dated, not to mention we didn't even have sex. We hardly even remembered anything between us. Besides, this relationship is strictly professional! And I don't wanna be called Mildred either!:

"Not-Blaineley O'Halloran-" The announcer spoke out before he was cut off again.

"But I am Blaineley O'Halloran! Honestly!" Blaineley cried out again.

"If you're gonna keep cutting me off, I'm not gonna do this anymore." The announcer spoke back to Blaineley, looking very stern and serious.

"Well, would that be a dream come true for me..." Blaineley replied as she turned the other cheek with her arms folded.

"Blaineley O'Halloran... She dresses like a dumb annoying bimbo who got it from behind by Chris McLean."

"I do not dress like a bimbo, okay?" Blaineley shouted angrily as she stood up from her chair. "I dress like this because this is glamorous fashion! I'm frickin' Blainerific for gosh sakes!"

"Yeah, and booberific!" The announcer smiled as the camera got a closer look at Blaineley gorgeous chest.

"You pervert! Are you some kind of boob-loving pervert? No one can look at my boobs but me! Understand? And Chris McLean too. Not to mention we never had sex or any sexual encounters with each other whatsoever!" Blaineley said to the announcer as she was pointing her finger at him.

"Now you know... Blaineley Mildred O'Halloran! For a good time with her, call!" The announcer smirked as the camera backed away from Blaineley slowly.

"They will certainly not call me! And you don't even know anything about me!" Blaineley spoke right to the announcer who already left, "I'm telling you once again, I only dress like this because it's chic, not prostitution. I'm not whoring myself to your satisfaction, pal! And my name should be referred to as 'Blaineley O'Halloran' and nothing else! You get the frickin' message of what I'm trying to say? HELLO?"**  
**

* * *

**Blaineley does dress like a hooker though. I'm just saying...  
**

**Last, but definitely not least will be Chris McLean! Get ready for the conclusion next chapter right after you read and review! WINNING!  
**


	41. Chapter 41: Chris McLean

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 41: Chris McLean  
**

"Know Your Stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as Chris McLean, the host of one of the most outrageous reality shows in all of Canada, alongside with that famous smirk and five o'clock shadow had now taken the hot seat.

"It's nice of you to have me here." Chris said with a smile. "I guess the best host of them all deserves it."

"Chris McLean... he actually got dirt in his chin."

"Uh, dude... is your brain retarded?" Chris replied with an eyebrow raised in his forehead. "This is actually a five o'clock shadow. It's a McLean landmark man. The almighty signature of mine. There was no way I rubbed dirt on it, okay?"

"Are you sure it was accidental?" The announcer replied to Chris in a "are you sure" expression.

"Dude, I've been wearing the stubble for quite some time now. Of course it wasn't accidental!" Chris exclaimed sternly.

"Chris McLean... He has had sex with Blaineley 50 times!"

"Dude, that is sooo false, man! I have never had any sex with her whatsoever! Besides, I'm not interested in dating at the moment. I'm just too busy having fun torturing 37 of those brats to my amusement." Chris said in appalled form.

"That's weird. So do I." The announcer said with a surprised smile.

"Well, stop it, dude! Only I'm supposed to do that. What in the heck gives you the right to trash the contestants that I trash everytime? It's my job to do it. And for the record, me and Blaineley had never any sexual contact with each other whatsoever!" Chris McLean told the announcer down, setting the record straight.

"Chris McLean... are you and Blaineley having a baby soon?"

"I already told you I'm not pregnant! Are you blind as a hobo or what?" Chris McLean said in such shocked anger.

"You can't prove that..." The announcer said with such scared suspicion. "Here's the picture of your baby together with the scanner."

The announcer then held up a picture of their baby, which just happened to be Chris McLean's head pasted on a newborn's body. The baby looked very weird and stupid to be exact. Or maybe just buttugly would be nice.

"That's just impossible. That's just an ugly baby that doesn't even look like me! That's just a ripoff!" Chris McLean exclaimed angrily. "This whole show's a ripoff. You're a ripoff dude! Who even hired you, a poop-throwing monkey?"

"That's not true-" The announcer began to say before he was cut off by Chris.

"Wait a minute, I just got an idea. I'm gonna say something else about you instead!" Chris smiled deviously as the announcer looked very scared for his life.

"You wouldn't dare...!" The announcer exclaimed out of panic.

"The Know Your Stars announcer... poops on babies!" Chris smiled evilly right to the KYS announcer.

"That's not true! What happened was an accident, okay? Someone planted a laxative into my Meat Lover's pizza, that was all!" The announcer said in a frightened mood. Chris just shook his head negatively at this.

"How low can you go? Besides, you didn't have a laxative. You just wanted to see how a baby smelled like covered in poop, man!" Chris exclaimed with such an evil smirk once again.

"I'M TELLING YOU, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" The announcer said just screaming for his life.

"Yeah right..." Chris scoffed as he continued, "The Know Your Stars announcer... stole money from his own parents to spend it all on hookers and booze when he was 13 years old."

"THAT WASN'T TRUE, OKAY? I HAD A PAPER ROUTE BACK THEN FOR GOSH SAKES!" The announcer said back to Chris as he kept on screaming like he was witnessing a murder or something.

"Really? Does 'paper route' mean hookers and booze from where you come from?" Chris replied in such a suspective tone.

"It's not true! You're telling lies, I tell you! LIES!" The announcer shouted in fear. His knees were shaking so violently he was gonna collapse to the floor.

"Oh, gimme a break..." Chris said to the scared announcer, not showing any compassion for him whatsoever. "The Know Your Stars Announcer... will get his head grown magically if I say the magic word!"

"Oh, please! Have mercy on me! You wouldn't dare!" The announcer said to him just pleading for his life. Ha, only the plead beg for the weak!

"WYNONNA!" Chris shouted right to the sky, revealing the announcer's magic death word.

And then suddenly, the announcer's head began to swell up the size of a huge-ass watermelon.

"Oh, no. OH NO! SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME! I PROMISE I'LL CHANGE MY WAYS! I PROMISE I WON'T BE MEAN TO EVERYONE, INCLUDING BABIES, HOBOS AND HOOKERS! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!" The announcer screamed deathly before his head was so huge he couldn't move anymore.

In the admist of all that, Chris had grabbed Shao Kahn's hammer from Mortal Kombat that magically appeared out of nowhere. He had an answer for the KYS announcer's sympathy.

"It's hammer time..." Chris smirked as he adjusted himself and approached the announcer's now giant head.

Just like a kid at a carnival, he gave it a nice upward bent of his body and just like an atomic bomb...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The announcer screamed as Chris swung downward and smashed the announcer's head, just sending him right into the bad part of hell where the bad accountants lived. All of the bloody debris was splattered like a fireworks celebration on the Fourth of July.

In Chris's point of view, seeing the announcer's dead body in front of him felt so much like an ounce of sweet revenge to his face.

"Now you know... the Know Your Stars announcer. Rest... In... Peace." Chris smirked as he sat on the chair that he was sitting on and relaxed just like a true king should be. With his hammer in hand resting on his shoulder, he lent out his final words to close the segment once and for all, "Now... I am truly king..."**  
**

* * *

**Finally done after all this time! Thank goodness!  
**

**I wanna know what everyone thought of the finale itself! Read and review, broski's! OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!  
**


	42. Bonus Chapter 1: Justin, Part II

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Bonus Chapter 1: Justin, Part II  
**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer had echoed again as Justin, the Hawaiian male model once again took the hot seat this time. He looked a little stern this time.

"Okay, no funny tricks this time. My abs won't allow funny tricks from you, douche." Justin said right up to the announcer in a low threatening tone.

"Justin... he was born in Zimbabwe!"

"Uh, no... you actually got it all wrong. You see, I was born in the islands of Hawaii." Justin chuckled at the announcer, correcting him, "You know, nothing but palm trees, coconuts, the surf, and not to mention a college team? Remember?"

"Sorry, I don't buy it." The announcer shook his head annoyingly.

"Dude, it's on the map! Surely you must've heard of it!" Justin said as he almost stood on the chair."

"Doesn't ring a bell." The announcer said once again as Justin looked angry, "Justin... thinks Alejandro is superior to him in every way possible."

"Heck no, he isn't superior to me!" Justin said pointing a finger at the announcer, "Dude's nothing more of a carbon copy of me! Just because he did more evil stuff than me and he got the girl! Damn it, I'm the perfect one here. I should get Heather, not that little piece of dampy chupacabra trash!"

Justin was about to lose it head-on when the announcer had mentioned Alejandro's name. The announcer then went on with more facts.

"Justin... He's too lazy and conceited to focus on a woman's love."

"What in the hell does that even mean? Look, I am so frickin' romantic and you know it! I'm just not ready to settle down, that's all! I'm just too busy modeling to even focus on the things I wanted to enjoy!" Justin spoke in sudden reaction.

"Much as you model with that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle underwear that you wear?" The announcer smiled at him.

"Did you have to friggin' bring that up again?" Justin blared out to the announcer as he stood up angrily. "I already told you, I do not wear Ninja Turtle underwear. You frickin' put the underwear on me while I was knocked out with tranquilzers!

"Now you know... Justin!" The announcer smiled proudly as the camera began to back away from the male model.

"You definitely do not know me!" Justin said right to the announcer, who was nowhere in sight. "Look, I may be a little bit of a jerk, but I'm the best damned romantic you have ever seen pal. I know they don't call me as much, but just you wait, pal! By the time you die, I'll have a nice sweet honey in my arms and I'll be laughing in your grave! How do you like that, you buttgoblin?"

* * *

**I'll believe anything that Justin says. He's my favorite contestant no matter what you think of him.**

**Next up again will be my favorite female contestant and resident Queen Bee, Heather! Read and review until then!**


	43. Bonus Chapter 2: Heather, Part II

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Bonus Chapter 2: Heather, Part II**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed once again as the Queen Bee herself, Heather, took and sat on the hot seat again. She looked very furious at the announcer.

"I know what you're capable of doing, so you better not piss me off this time!" Heather exclaimed angrily to the announcer.

"Heather... She was voted Miss Tidy Bowl!"

"No I wasn't." Heather responded to him with her arms crossed, "I refuse to accept a honor that has nothing to do with toilet bowls. Although I would rather be somebody like Miss Universe or Miss Canada if I was. By the way, I have the looks and beauty to be a beauty queen, thank you very much."

"Why won't you become Miss Tidy Bowl? After all, you've always had a 'potty-mouth'!" The announcer exclaimed as Heather felt more agitated by that comment.

"I am not a potty-mouth!" Heather spat at him aggressively, "Surely, that's reserved for somebody like you! Believe me!"

"Heather... She has a sudden obsession for lint!"

"I sure as hell don't!" Heather exclaimed once more as she tried to correct him, "For your information, I have a sudden craving for chocolate! The best kind of chocolate I prefer is dark because it just fulfills my candy fantasies altogether!"

"But lint's good for you! You ever tried some inside the dryer, it's fluff-smelling good!" The announcer said happily to her, but Heather didn't feel to happy about his insults at her again.

"Are you some kind of pervert stalker or what? I'm telling you, I am not obsessed with lint!" Heather screamed at him with such rage like a bull.

"Heather... LIIIIIIIARRRR!"

"I am so not a liar! You're just making these false statements on people, so they think that it's actually true, when in reality, it's not true!" Heather stood out from his chair and talked more smack to the announcer.

The Know Your Stars announcer didn't even respond one bit, but instead...

...he summoned a giant ball of lint and smashed right on top of Heather like an asteroid!

"H-Hey!" Heather said as she struggled to get out of the ball of carpet lint that was just trapping her with no way out. "What the hell's the meaning of this?"

"It's your favorite lint... carpet!" The announcer exclaimed happily once more, "You're welcome to eat it if you want!"

"The only thing you're gonna eat is your own ass when I break free from this fluffy crap! I tell you, I don't... like... LINT!" Heather shouted angrily at him once more as she was still trying to get out from that huge lint ball but to no avail.

"Now you know... Heather!" The announcer smiled at him.

"Hell no, you don't know me!" Heather shouted once again as the camera backed away from her in an attempt that the cameramen wouldn't be killed by Heather's temper once she got out, "You better get your ass back here and get me out of this s**tty-ass lint that you stuck me in of! I'm not obsessed with this stuff, I'm telling you! But when I get out of here, I'm gonna take this huge lint ball and shove it inside of you so deep, you'll be crapping fluff all over you! This, I swear!"

* * *

**Like Heather, I too... am a chocoholic. Enough said.**

**Next up will be Lightning once again. So read and review until then! SHA-LIGHTNING!**


	44. Bonus Chapter 3: Lightning, Part II

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Bonus Chapter 3: Lightning, Part II**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer had echoed again as the Athletic Overachiever himself, Lightning, took his spot on the hot seat once again.

"That's right, Lightning's in the sha-house!" Lightning exclaimed as he flexed his muscles, but soon turned up to the announcer with an angry tone, "And you better not sha-piss me off or else Lightning's gonna chew you up!"

"Lightning... His favorite activity is girl's antiquing!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, time out..." Lightning said as he cut off the announcer, "There's no way Lightning likes girl's antiquing. You must be sha-talking about that girl Brick! Maybe he likes it, but Lightning sure don't. I prefer sports! You know, basketball, football, baseball! You know, that kind of stuff?"

"Sorry... I'm not familiar with that."

"Of course, you sha-have! You cant be seriously retarded, can you?" Lightning shouted on as crossed his arms tightly.

"Maybe!" The announcer replied as he continued on, "Lightning... you sha-suck."

"What? Lightning don't suck! How can you say Lightning sucks? I always succeed at what I do! Name one thing I sucked at and Lightning'll tell you that is false."

"Okay, you suck because you just do!" The announcer exclaimed with a smile.

"Lightning doesn't sha-suck! You're just making these false statements so you can make people hate the Lightning!" He exclaimed as he stood up from the chair and pointed at him, "I'm telling you, people like the Lightning! One touch and you'll be sha-struck by me! It's proof."

"Lightning... yoooou suck. You really really suck!" The announcer exclaimed imitating the coach from 'The Waterboy'.

"I'M TELLING YOU FOR THE SHA-F**KING TIME! LIGHTNING DON'T SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Lightning screamed angrily as he threw a chair.

"Don't be mad, it's okay to sha-suck Lightning."

"Okay, where in the heck are you! Show yourself so that Lightning can make your balls into Christmas ornaments! How do you sha-like that, Jingle Balls?" Lightning lashed out at the announcer who just decided to finish it from here.

"Now you know... Lightning! Remember he sha-sucks."

"Ohhhh, now you sha-pissed me off!" Lightning shouted once again as the camera backed away from him very far, "You better get down here! Lightning aint done with you! There's no proof that I suck at anything! I'm good at sports, I'm good with the ladies, it's all sha-true! And what's with you stealing Lightning's catchphrase? You have no right to do that to the almighty Lightning. I'm gonna strike your ass full of crap when Lightning sees you, that way you can be a human sha-crap-stain in someone's underwear! This ain't sha-over, yet!"

* * *

**In my opinion, Lightning don't suck. I just can't see why people can't stand Lightning. In my opinion, I just think he's an awesome character and such. Point taken.**

**Next up once again will be my personal favorite, Anne Maria! Until then, read and review, science bitches! BAZINGA!**


	45. Bonus Chapter 4: Anne Maria, Part II

**"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"  
**

**Rated T  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.  
**

* * *

**Bonus Chapter 4: Anne Maria, Part II**

"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed out once again as the hot Jersey babe, Anne Maria took her spot once again in the hot seat.

"You know dang well that Anne Maria's here again!" Anne Maria said right to the announcer as she was still spraying her hair. "And you betta' not thrash me again! Or else, it's gonna get worse!"

"Anne Maria... she's compared to Nicki Minaj."

"Um, you gotta be kidding me..." Anne Maria said as she rolled her eyes backward, "I'm actually compared to Snooki from tha 'Jersey Shore'. You know, we like hot guys and we like to get major tans and such. But there is no way, absolutely no way I'm absolutely compared to Nicki Minaj!"

"I got one... both of you dress like whores." The announcer smirked as Anne Maria felt a little annoyed.

"What didya call me? There is no way I dress like a whore just like Nicki Minaj! Just because we got awesome boobjobs, nice butts and freaky hair, that doesn't mean you can go around calling us whores for the fun of it. We deserve to be respected!" Anne Maria demanded before the announcer wen't on again.

"Anne Maria... she likes Lightning!"

"Are you sick? I like Vito, not Lightning!" Anne Maria exclaimed as she stood up from her seat, "Sure, Lightning's kinda handsome, cute and strong but there's no way he's more manly than Vito! And I want him back from that red-headed harlot, Zoey!"

"Hmmm... well, if you like Vito, then how come I found his photo of you and Lightning making out by the pool a few nights earlier?" The announcer smirked right at her.

"You have no proof!" Anne Maria exclaimed in accusation.

"Well, take a look!" The announcer exclaimed as Anne Maria looked at the doctored photo of her sitting on Lightning's lap and playing a game of tonsil football. It was so hot and steamy and Anne Maria was wearing her finest tight thong just to impress Lightning. Or was it really her?

"Yeah, right... that's nothing but photoshop! You've been pulling this photo nonsense on everybody, have ya?" Anne Maria spoke to the announcer as she was busy cracking her knuckles.

"Ummmm. Ergg..." The announcer said as he was struggling to form words before he decided to become the chicken that he was by moving on with the facts, "Anne Maria... She's a porn star in real life!"

"No, I don't think so!" Anne Maria objected as her Jersey anger went way through up the roof, literally. "I told ya once and I told ya again! I am no whore nor do I look like a porn star! What are ya, a perv?"

"Heh, maybe!" The announcer exclaimed with a smile, "I even got one of your DVD's! It's called 'Jersey Sluts on Black Sticks!'"

"Really? I got a nice title for a movie! How about: 'Anne Maria Rips Up The Announcer's Balls and Stuffs Them Down His Throat'? Would ya like that? Huh?" Anne Maria spoke to the announcer as if she was threatening him.

"Now you know... Anne Maria! Starring in the next skin flick entitled, "Lesbian Snooki's!"

"Oh no, you don't! You get back here!" Anne Maria exclaimed angrily as the camera started backing away from her, "I ain't finished with you! You just wanna run away like the chicken-hawk coward that you are, fine! But be assure, I'm gonna get a knife and cut yo balls off so I can make you chew 'em like bubblegum! You hear me! Just like bubblegum!"

* * *

**I guess with the outfit that Anne Maria wears on every episode, it looks pretty much like it...**

**Meanwhile, next up once again will be the party boy himself, Geoff!**

**Until then, read and review! Snoochie Boochies!**


End file.
